Monday, March 2, 2015

Commentary: Suicide

By Nydia Tungsten and Brandi Streusel Tungsten

Last night, I had a friend send pictures with a shotgun barrel in their mouth to a few of us. To say it upset me is a severe understatement. They were saying this was how they were feeling, then stopped talking after a while. We all feared the worst had happened. I was in tears most of the night.

I am STILL a wreck this morning as I write this with shaky hands. I have lost two very dear and close friends to suicide, over what they thought they could not endure anymore. I still love them both and remember them, but I do it with mixed feelings.

Their acts of cowardice destroyed lives not of their own, and I am talking about the family members that found them and their friends that have to deal with the sudden loss. Imagine a sister that finds her brother a week after he hung himself, a full week! Imagine what that did to her. Imagine a mother who goes into to talk to her daughter in the morning only to find her dead soiled body on the bed next to an empty pill bottle.

Suicide doesn't just affect the ones that do it, but those that are left behind, and to me, they are the biggest, most selfish cowards in the world. People will say I just don't understand. Maybe they are right, but I will bet you dollars to doughnuts more people believe the way I do.

Celebrities that kill themselves are “Celebrated for their lives and the works they have done” when in fact, they need to be forgotten and the media needs to stop being glamorizing their deaths to the public and making it look like it was honorable. IT'S NOT! They died like they lived: attention whores! That is the message I get from ever celebrity site that has front page news about the latest suicide, and yes it has made me a bit bitter.

And for those of you that feel you need to send pictures to your friends with guns in your mouth, you are the worst.

I am not saying not to reach out, I encourage that. YES, talk to someone. But stuff like
that is WAY over the line and you come across as a theatrical attention whore once the dust settles.

Because of that picture, my nerves are shot, I've gotten very little sleep. I am an emotional wreck as it at LEAST three other people I know of this morning. We were finally able to figure out where they lived and get the police out to them, where they quickly tried to play it off and telling the police to forget about it instead of getting help they desperately need.

If you feel like you want to take your life, PLEASE call someone, ANYONE and talk to them. Tell them how you are feeling, it could be a medical problem that can be fixed!

But if you think you absolutely must take the selfish cowardly way out, find a cannon ball, tie it to your ankles and jump in the ocean so no one will find you. After a while, you will just be forgotten, which is all you deserve.

So it comes down to this. If you want to end it all, please seek help. And if you don't really want to seek help, then SCREW YOU AND DO IT ALONE!!

Nydia Tungsten


  1. Wow. Just wow...Someone suffering Suicidal tendencies need only read this and know how truly alone they are in your company. I agree the picture was ridiculous and over the line...but those who are TRULY suicidal enough to DO IT or attempt may be taking the cowards way out. They know they are ut is testament to just how low things are. You are self righteous and cruel. I hope you face the sense of shame, Cowardice, loneliness and complete despair that one facing the end of their life feels. This post disgusts me. I will be anon because I have been there and I dont need your negativity in my life. And neither do any of your friends facing their own demons.

  2. This post is incredibly offensive. I have been in the position of dealing with someone who may or may not have really meant to kill himself who made manipulative threats about it, and I have also known people who were straight-up suicidal and went through with it. As horrible as it is to be manipulated that way, I would never publicly post anything that might make a suicidal person hesitate to speak about it before taking action. I can stand the pain of dealing with a manipulative person's threats much better than I can stand the pain of another loved one killing themself. The authors of this post, if they are incapable of handling the emotional strain of someone's photos or posts about suicidal ideation, need to seek help and education themselves in order to overcome the damage of their past traumas, rather than venting online like a pair of self-centered drama queens. Your anger at your one friend with the shotgun photos should not be spewed onto everyone who happens to read your post; others who may be suffering from depression or who have lost love ones do not deserve to read the insults and cruelty you're flinging as you try to process an upsetting incident you experienced. Responsible people who aren't emotionally messed up don't post telling people to go kill themselves quietly. You're mad at someone, but all of the readers out there you don't know, who might be suffering from suicidal ideation, a failed attempt, a loved one who killed themself ... don't deserve to read your potentially triggering spew. I'm sorry something bad happened to you, but you could well be hurting others, and need to shut up and seek help yourself.

    If anything deserves to "just be forgotten" it is this post, which caused someone you don't even know to cry and have a crappy morning.

  3. Death will always be messy. There will be broken and hurt survivors no matter the cause. Suicide can be an acceptable way for people to end their life with grace and dignity, at a time and in a manner of their choosing. It can be done responsibly in a way that lessens the horror for survivors. I appreciate and understand your pain. Perhaps you might consider the pain of others.

  4. I don't believe they should be forgotten, however, neither should their death me celebrated and glamorized either. I agree that suicide is cowardly and selfish since they are thinking of no one else but themselves.

    -Muertos Ashbourne

  5. I read this article over several times and I do KNOW this anger first hand. Trying to make sense of an act like this is an exercise in madness. When someone in a really in a dark place and they have been there for a long while, their minds eye get accustomed to the darkness. When someone entered to help, the light of day is to bright for them to handle and they will almost always turn away. The hardest thing for the helpers to do, is to stop and really listen to them, without judgement. They are frozen there and the helper is moving, hardly a good match. The second one voice's they opinion about wrongness of their thinking, you lost all ability to help them. What they need is just one person stop with them, that can hold their hand, to give them comfort, to let them know they care and are willing to help them take a few steps and possibly walk with them for a bit, to hopefully lead them out of that dark place. Everyone a victim when things like this happens. Sorry for all the metaphors, but after 30 years of loosing two friends this way, I still to this day, have not truly come to terms with with my experiences. My heart go out to everyone touched by this.

  6. I thought about this before telling Nydia it would go up. I've had to talk a friend out of doing himself in. I've had friends try to do themselves in. But never before has anything like this happened with us. Nydia has always been there for her friends in need, her "Angels" as she calls them. Now, this action has caused her, my close friend, to reach her limit.

    Should the one behind this mess come across this post, you can best atone by getting the help you need and then paying it forward as time goes on. This isn't something that can be fixed with a simple "I'm sorry," but will take a long time to make up for.

  7. Even if Nydia Tungsten has reached her limit no one can live another person's life or have another person's feelings. Suicidal thoughts are real & this article is one reason why people who are suicidal don't tell other people.

  8. People who commit suicide aren't really wanting to die so much as they are wanting an end to their pain. They don't have the emotional capacity to consider other people's feelings. Imagine being in such emotional agony that you feel that your family and friends would be better off without you.

    I will forever mourn the death of my dear brother, who took his own life less than 24 hours after a visit to his psychiatrist. He was the least selfish man I ever knew.

    Please also be aware that certain medications can bring on depression and/ or suicidal thoughts; if you have recently changed medications or dosages, you are particularly vulnerable. Never be afraid to call your doctor!

    1. Exactly. I am deeply sorry for Your loss and his pain.

  9. People who are actually serious about suicide generally do not send pictures of themselves with a shotgun in their mouth. To do so is obviously just to get attention.

    However, in this case Nydia did the right thing. She reported it to the authorities, which is all anyone can do in these situations.

    Sadly, people who are really intent on taking their own lives will often give no warning at all. If they're ill from the side effects of drugs they don't know it, and telling them to ask for help is ridiculous. That's why I won't go anywhere near anti-depressants, no matter how much my doctor might insist I need them.

    If you really want to help people who might someday commit suicide, the time to help them is before they start showing signs, by letting them know they are loved and valued in time for them to get used to the idea. By the time someone starts actively contemplating suicide it's probably too late to do that.

    Making a more loving society that people won't be falling all over themselves to get away from would be the thing to do, if you really want to help. It's not like this world was over brimming with optimism for a bright or even moderately attractive future.

    Fix what's wrong with society, rather than blaming people for what dealing with society does to them, or their inability to endure it. And give Nydia credit for attempting to do just that. No one in Nydia's group is ever without love, support or someone telling them constantly how valued they are.

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    (VIDEO) Have your ex CRAWLING back to you...?