Dear DrFran:
My Second Life girlfriend, Daisy,
is the love of my life. Since we met we
have been together all the time. I have come to depend on her for planning all
of our activities. She dresses me, she buys the furniture in our house, she
suggests land to buy, etc. She is like a busy bee, always flittering about. Of
course, I wouldn’t be writing you DrFran, if things were all rosey.
About a month ago, Daisy got a job
here working for one of the big estate holders. She is responsible for
responding to renters requests when she is on duty, and the owner of the
estates has come to rely upon her, for building parts of the islands, and other
duties. It’s not surprising as Daisy is most capable. The problem for me is
that she is never available any more to do the things we used to do, and I
spend a lot of time just sitting around and waiting for her to have time. I
don’t think she’s cheating on me. She just seems to be busy all the time. Even
more, with the Relay for Life season approaching, she will be even busier.
Please tell me what to do?
Yours,
Alone Again.
Dear AA: Your last sentence kind of
sums things up: Please tell me what to do? Why should any grown person need
someone else to tell them what to do? It seems that Daisy was helping you to
live, and you became so dependent upon her direction that you somehow lost the
ability to think for yourself. I am not surprised that she has become busy
elsewhere. Relationships need to be about give and take, and the one you
describe is a bit one-sided.
I have no idea how to get Daisy to
come back to you. However I do have some ideas for you. The best way to make
yourself attractive to another person is to have your own interests and
pursuits:
1.
I have said this before, and I will say it
again: Do what you like in Second Life. You know that anything goes…so go do
what you love. Love hockey? Well there are many hockey leagues in Second Life,
same goes for all sports. I know many folks here who race cars happily, engage
in wizardry tournaments, etc. There is something for everybody. Most important
is that it is something you want to do.
2.
DrFran can be guilty of this next attribute, so
be aware that I say what I say because of experience: DO NOT BE NEEDY. I can
hear the whine in your voice, AA. I can’t tell you how unattractive that looks.
I have lost first and Second Life partners by being clingy, demanding of time,
or just “there,” wanting attention. See number one for what to do instead of
waiting for your love to show up.
3.
Make some male friends. Friends are a great way
to spend time in Second Life. The grid is enormous and filled with things of
wonder and delight. Have you ever visited the Disney Parade? On the hour the
characters march by to music. Silly fun, but fun nonetheless, and with a group
of people, it’s even better. I don’t want you to think I am minimizing your
feelings, or your ability to make friends, but it’s a lot easier in Second Life
than in First Life. I find that all that is required is to speak up a bit in
group settings. People are interested in people who seem alive with ideas and
comments. If what you describe above is accurate, I have the feeling that
people see you as just a shadow of your girlfriend, without a life of your own.
4.
Be honest: If you really care for Daisy, tell
her so. This does NOT mean that you say it in a way that is a plea. True love
is love that does not make a demand for reciprocation. State your love simply,
and let it go. A person who loves you will heat that and respond. A person who does not love you will never
hear anything you say about love.
I hope this is helpful to you, AA.
It is time for you to get your own Second Life. If not, I fear that Daisy will
drift further and further away. Maybe next time you log in, you will follow
your dreams, so that you can say: “Oh, I am sorry, I am busy with this trivia
game,” next time. Maybe then, just maybe Daisy will see that you have a mind of
your own, and that it makes you more attractive to her.
Please feel free to write to me
again, and let me know how you make out.
Yours,
DrFran
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