The Valentine Interview - Part 2

By Mylie Foxclaw

This is the second part of the Valentine’s interview.  The basics are simple.  I have asked 6 women the same questions that I asked the men in part one.  If you wish to read the first part, you will find it here (link).

The first question was about the type of person that would be ideal.  One common quality was intelligence and a good sense of humour but each woman was highly descriptive about her ideal person.  A.A (Lady 1) wants someone confident that can convey intense and realistic emotions and who has a good sense of humour.  C.R (Lady 2) feels that someone trustworthy would be great.  She also adds that she dislike possessive and jealous persons.  J.B (Lady 3), like A.A, wants someone intelligent and funny.  An opinion also shared by R.M (Lady 4) who adds that the ideal person should also show how much he enjoys being with her and he must be a true romantic.  F.R (Lady 5) mentions that a good sense of humour is an important quality and specifies “not someone who just laughs pointlessly at everything.”  T.K (lady 6) believes that a good person is one important quality and adds that “Someone who's also a vulpine or near canine would be perfect.”

Next, I asked each lady about their ideal place for a SL romantic date.  A.A feels that a restaurant or piano bar would be nice.  C.R likes forests, beaches or coffee shops.  J.B talks about a dance at an exclusive club where she is a member and has many friends.  R.M enjoys ballroom spots like Phat Cat’s or Bogarts.  F.R says that she would not like generic places but rather opt for something that has meaning for both herself and her ideal sl valentine.  T.K specifies that she loves cozy cuddle places which are calm, secluded and close to nature.

The third question was about their ideal gift.  A.A immediately responded “his heart”.  C.R specifies that a teddybear and a kiss would be nice but if the person could spend time with her and snuggle, it would be perfect.  J.B would like a volcano tub.  R.M mentions jewellery, perfume or lingerie before adding that going to a romantic sport together to spend some quality time would be a nice gift. 

When asked if they thought that red was a must for Valentine’s day, A.A says no before adding that “I don´t think it is about the color, it is a feeling deep inside; and i truly believe that valentine is only special with somebody who means something to you ... a flirt is not enough.”  C.R points out that red is generic, something that F.R seems to agree on.  R.M thinks that it is not a must.  To her, Red is“anytime   you’re feeling   a bit passionate and fiery.”  T.K comments that one should wear what they want before adding that red is classic and she finds that red and blue work great together.  As for J.B, she thinks that Red is a must and that any shade or red is pretty.

The next question was about what they would wear for Valentine’s day.  J.B has immediately described the outfit she has bought this Valentine’s day.  She is extremely eager and excited to wear it.  It’s a color combination of red and black.  A.A thinks that the outfit would depend on where her date would be taking her, an opinion shared by F.R.  C.R simply said that her outfit would depend on her mood.  R.M mentioned lingerie and anything red.    T.K believes that the outfit also depends on where the relationship stands and specifies that “If we're just getting to know each other, it might be something sexy ment to impress.  If we've been dating for a while, perhaps something more comfortable.  As for colors, black and red look good with blue fur.”

Finally, I asked them if they had anything to say about Valentine’s day.  A.A thinks that “for somebody who is in love - any day is valentine’s day ....”  C.R says that “Well it’s Valentine’s day.  It’s great to enjoy it with someone special.  But it’s a nightmare for single people I think!“  J.B talks about her current relationship, “well this  will be my first one with my living in boyfriend so I’m very much looking forward to it and we’ve been together for 6 weeks aprox.”  R.M sends her wishes to everyone, “Happy VDay to all  the lovers a  lovers  to be!”  F.R mentions that “my original rez day was just a couple days before it?”  T.K also wised everyone and had a smart piece of advice, “I wish you all friendship and love.  Remember that love comes and goes, but if you're best friends with your mate, then it'll last.  That's the secret!”

This sums up the Valentine’s interview.  I hope you found some interesting SL facts and more through this.

Mylie Foxclaw

The Valentine Interview - Part 1

By Mylie Foxclaw

As Valentine’s Day is approaching, I thought of interviewing a few persons to learn more about how they felt about Valentine’s Day and romance in Second Life.  If this first part, I interviewed 6 male residents at random and asked them 5 questions.  Responses were interesting and amusing in some instances.  Let’s see what these SL residents had to say.  I’m using only their initials when I will refer to their personal opinions.

First, I asked each guy to tell me about the type of person who would be an ideal date.  Overall, they all believe that a good-natured person would be perfect.  Someone smart and good-natured.  Of course, each guy also has his own qualities as well.  A.L (Guy 1) believes that that person should not be jealous.  He also adds that he likes women who are open-minded and do not limit themselves to one guy.  R.C (guy 2) thinks that someone who is naughty and argumentative would be perfect.  G.H (guy 3) also likes those who are open-minded.  S.B (guy 4) wants someone who has common interests.  J.L (guy 5) and S.R (guy 6) told me that they like those who can carry a good conversation.

Next, I asked each guy about their ideal place to go if they have a date.  A.L and J.L both opt for romantic outdoor themed places (forests, beaches,etc).  S.R and G.H think that ballrooms would be perfect.  S.B told me that he’s like a colourful sim with low lag and R.C told me that his ideal place would be a creepy themed sim like Netherwood. 

Concerning the ideal gift, responses were interesting.  A.L told me that the perfect gift would be for his woman to share him with another woman.  R.C said that for him, “something either black, rusty metal, bloody, creepy, or any combination of the 4” would be great.  G.H thinks that a new outfit would be cool.  J.L does not want any special gifts but a greeting card for valentine’s day would be nice.  S.B wants to hear a joke that would make him laugh for hours.  S.R did not have any ideal gift. 

When I asked each guy if Red was a must for Valentine’s day, most of them said no.  R.C added that red is boring to him for Valentine’s day.  S.R feels that it is a tradition to wear red but it’s not compulsory.    However, G.H thinks it’s a must. 

When I asked them about what they would wear for Valentine’s day, S.R told me that he would opt for a Tuxedo. G.H would also wear a Tuxedo specially for a ballroom date and opt for a red tie. S.B also mentioned a red tie before jokingly adding that he would dress like Tarzan.  I suppose a Tarzan outfit and a red tie would be an interesting combination.  R.C stated that a black dress shirt or a black tuxedo would be his choice of outfit.  As for A.L he says his birthday suit is perfect… J.L does not have any special outfit preference for Valentine’s day.  He would just be himself. 

Finally I asked them if they had anything to add.  J.L says that “one should take time to acknowledge the day and show some kind of gesture.”  S.R thinks that “its a special day just to show someone you care.”  G.H mentioned that he loved someone a lot.  R.C humorously stated that “Hmmm. That we also need an M Day, that is just about giving muffins.” And I definitely agree with him!  As for S.B,  he simply said, “Make love not war ...”  And, A.L had a lot to say, “really though, surveys consistently show that Valentine's day is more stressful to men, more dreaded than a dentist visit because there's a lot of pressure.  what do I get her? where do I take her? what do I say?  we just want it to be over.”

So, I believe we learned a few interesting things from these guys.  See you next time to find out how girls think Valentine’s day.  

Mylie Foxclaw

Why Do Some People Just Disappear From Second Life?

By Mylie Foxclaw

I have often seen people panicking when their partner has suddenly stopped logging in.  I have reacted the same during my first years on Second Life too.  We imagine the worst, a real-life problem, a death… but in many cases, that person is fine, so why do they just disappear?

Sometimes people fear to hurt the other or expect a bad reaction.  You can’t say you won’t react badly if your partner suddenly tells you that he wants to part ways.  You will be hurt, you will probably vent out your anger without realising it.  The next best option is simply to just leave without a word; without drama.  
 

People know when you start distancing yourself.  They can sense it even if they may not admit it.  Sometimes they are just waiting for you to confront them and tell them the truth.  And you will be surprised.  I see some people who remained friends even after breaking up or who are on good speaking terms.  Some argued and distance themselves but later, they patch up and stay good friends. 

Second Life relationships are not always easy.  A good friend of mine once told me that certain people just ran off because they told a tiny lie at the beginning but now that the relationship grew and they formed a bond, they felt that they would hurt their partner but felt like this lie became a big issue.  So they preferred to disappear suddenly, without a word.  What could the lies be?  Claiming to be single when they are married, being of the opposite gender from what they play in Second Life, faking their age.  If you put yourself in the shoes of someone who lied and imagine what they go through as they realise that their lie is becoming an issue, you may probably react the same way and leave too. 

When you find that your partner has suddenly left, you may want to consider these reasons as well.  Give it some days or weeks, then try leaving a message or an e-mail or something to see if they respond.  Keep it simple and civilised.  Remember, you can’t force someone to be with you if they don’t wish to be.  If they want to leave, let them go.  Give yourself time to digest the fact.  Take some time off Second Life or explore new facets of the virtual world to distract yourself. 

Announcing bad news and knowing you are going to hurt someone is not easy.  But when you leave like that, you’re not making things easy either.  Your partner has no idea and will worry.  He/she will wait for a while, months maybe, especially if the feelings on his/her side are deep enough.  Later they may move on, or not.  Spare them the worries and the waiting.  Break it to them, let them get mad.  If it gets so bad, restart afresh but at least you know you done your part.  No regrets, no guilty conscience. 

Whether your partner have left or you wish to leave, put yourself in the shoes of the other party and imagine what you would go through.  Don’t leave someone hanging and don’t make them feel guilty.  When it’s over, we eventually have to move on.  No need to drag it on.  You will only hurt yourself.  Isn't it better to end things in a civilised manner and remain friends?

Mylie Foxclaw

Commentary: The Pygmalion In Us

By Mylie Foxclaw

I have been reading about the Greek myth of Pygmalion and Galatea recently and I found myself thinking that we all tend to be just like Pygmalion.  For those who are not familiar with this legend, here’s a quick note about it.

Pygmalion was a sculptor who lost interest in women as he started to notice all their various flaws.  He started to fashion a sculpture of the perfect woman which he made out of ivory.  He worked on the sculpture for a long time, polishing every single detail to create a woman devoid of flaws.  Pygmalion fell in love with the statue and started to make offerings at Aphrodite’s temple (Aphrodite is the goddess of love in Greek Mythology).  When he returned home, he realised that Aphrodite had given life to the statue whose name was Galatea.  Pygmalion wed Galatea and they had a son… the typical happy ending.

I feel that we tend to be like Pygmalion in Second Life.  For instance, take a look at our avatars; they are a reflection of what we want to be.  Whether we opt to look like humans, furries, tinies or any other kind of avatar, the idea is to reproduce that perfect version we have in our mind already and try to reproduce it until we become satisfied.  Just like Pygmalion, we will improve the details and make modifications to our avatars to our taste until we reach the ideal avatar.  Hence, while some people look like dark creatures, others go for glamourous looking avatars and others can opt for legendary characters.  That also means, getting the right shape, skin, clothes, hair and accessories. Each person has his own vision of the perfect avatar he wants to be.

Other residents can also suggest ways to improve someone’s avatar and hint out that they need a makeover to look better.  A person can be satisfied with his own avatar’s appearance even though people around him don’t like certain aspects of his avatar.  That’s again because we each have our own idea of the ideal character and it’s the Pygmalion within us that wants to emerge and change that avatar to our own liking.  Let’s take a common example, you meet a newcomer inworld and you notice the default avatar.  You decide that you want to help him improve his looks, get a better shape or skin, buy him a new mesh body or take him to your favourite freebie spots that has the nicest clothes, etc.  Usually this new resident is just going along with your instructions as he’s trying to understand what he is doing.  That’s the Pygmalion within you creating your version of a nice looking avatar.  Your new friend may love it or he may tell you that he preferred his default avatar to this new updated look.  You may feel a little annoyed at that reaction or completely offended and wondering if you just wasted all your time on an ungrateful person.  Well, that’s not the case.  This person may not feel comfortable in this new look because it does not represent him or what he wants to be. 

Sometimes, we agree to look as others deem ideal such as when looking for a job inworld.  In certain jobs, having an updated look is a must.  In the second life modelling industry, generally you need to be very updated on your overall look in order to get selected for a job.  The same goes for other sectors.  For instance, if you want to work in an adult club, you need to look the part as well.  At some clubs or other businesses, you must abide to a specific type of avatar. The boss or the industry becomes your Pygmalion as you adapt yourself to the criteria demanded to work there.  In any case, if you want to work somewhere where looks do matter, you should expect to be told to make certain changes to your avatar when you go to work.

There’s nothing wrong with being a Pygmalion.  We each have our own idea of the ideal avatar and our views will definitely differ from each other.  Thus, we all have a Pygmalion within us, even in this virtual world.   

Image Credit: Razor Cure

Mylie Foxclaw