Commentary: Suicide and Second Life

By DrFran Babcock

There has been a lot of discussion, anger and passion over the Commentary posted by Nydia Tungsten and Brandi Streusel Tungsten on March 2^nd, 2015 in this esteemed publication  (http://slnewserpeople.blogspot.com/2015/03/commentary-suicide.html). When I got to the monthly Newser staff meeting last Saturday, I was alarmed to find that Nydia was not there. According to editor Bixyl, she was taking a break from Second Life™ because of her upset over the event which had prompted her commentary.

 

I had wanted to tell her how much I agreed with what she said. However, I didn’t get that chance, and then the Plurk-driven underbelly of Second Life™ cranked into action, resulting in this SL Secret submission last Sunday. (see number 9 http://slsecrets.com/slsecrets/slsecret-week-341/ ).

I suppose you are wondering why I am inserting myself into this controversy. I have worked in behavioral health for almost all of my life, the last 30 years full-time in a psychiatric hospital. I work in a huge health system, and I am one of seven people who comprise the Suicide Task Force for the health system. I am not bragging; I am attempting to establish the fact that I have been very close to the subject for many years. 

Suicide is always a mess. It means that someone is in enough pain to override the human instinct to stay alive. It means that the people left behind will suffer, and spend their lives wondering what they could have done to prevent it. Most of all, it means that something that was essentially preventable took place.

The fact that someone threatens suicide because they want us to know they are in pain, or because they have learned that these gestures bring attention and love does not mean that they will not eventually complete a suicide — either on purpose or by accident. However, if you tell me you are going to end your life in a venue or situation in which I have no actual access to you—there is nothing I can do.

Nydia and Brandi are angry because they were put in a hostage situation. There is no denying that the person who sent the photos of himself with the gun was in pain, but he put his friends in a horrid no-win situation. 

In virtual worlds, where we don’t always know how to contact the person behind the avatar, it is easy to create a drama. While I don’t know the details of the relationship this person had with Nydia and Brandi, they scrambled to help the man in whatever manner they had at their disposal.

Perhaps this incident can serve to raise awareness of suicide. Suicide is always preventable, provided the person who is suicidal seeks help. The sad reality is that the disease of depression, the single largest stimulus for suicide, can also cause a person to remain isolated and secretive about their feelings. It is never OK to threaten and tease people with suicide, but the suicidal person’s judgment is often impaired.

I applaud the Tungsten’s for venting their feelings about this event. It is time for mental illness and suicide to come out of the darkness. The discussion has to get going. We have to be able to talk about these things so that people understand that suicidal people are in pain, and not bad. What this guy did was an act of anger and need, and I hope he gets help. I hope if there is a next time he feels this way that instead of emotional hostage-taking, he picks up a phone and asks for help.

Many years ago an ex-patient of mine contacted me (my number is unlisted, so I have no idea how she did it), and started to threaten suicide. I got her number from the hospital and called it, but the number had been disconnected. I made some other attempts to contact her which turned out to be all dead ends. I let it go, because I had done all I could do. 

Am I responsible for helping someone who doesn’t allow me to really help them? I think not. I am responsible for making the effort to do so. That is what Nydia did. I hope she can come back to Second Life™. Until then, I will miss her fine writing in the SL Newser. 

This editorial reflects my beliefs, and my experience. I welcome a dialogue, because that’s how things emerge from the shadows. Suicide needs to emerge from the shadows, so we can help.

DrFran Babcock

Commentary: Suicide

By Nydia Tungsten and Brandi Streusel Tungsten

Last night, I had a friend send pictures with a shotgun barrel in their mouth to a few of us. To say it upset me is a severe understatement. They were saying this was how they were feeling, then stopped talking after a while. We all feared the worst had happened. I was in tears most of the night.

I am STILL a wreck this morning as I write this with shaky hands. I have lost two very dear and close friends to suicide, over what they thought they could not endure anymore. I still love them both and remember them, but I do it with mixed feelings.

Their acts of cowardice destroyed lives not of their own, and I am talking about the family members that found them and their friends that have to deal with the sudden loss. Imagine a sister that finds her brother a week after he hung himself, a full week! Imagine what that did to her. Imagine a mother who goes into to talk to her daughter in the morning only to find her dead soiled body on the bed next to an empty pill bottle.

Suicide doesn't just affect the ones that do it, but those that are left behind, and to me, they are the biggest, most selfish cowards in the world. People will say I just don't understand. Maybe they are right, but I will bet you dollars to doughnuts more people believe the way I do.

Celebrities that kill themselves are “Celebrated for their lives and the works they have done” when in fact, they need to be forgotten and the media needs to stop being glamorizing their deaths to the public and making it look like it was honorable. IT'S NOT! They died like they lived: attention whores! That is the message I get from ever celebrity site that has front page news about the latest suicide, and yes it has made me a bit bitter.

And for those of you that feel you need to send pictures to your friends with guns in your mouth, you are the worst.

I am not saying not to reach out, I encourage that. YES, talk to someone. But stuff like
that is WAY over the line and you come across as a theatrical attention whore once the dust settles.

Because of that picture, my nerves are shot, I've gotten very little sleep. I am an emotional wreck as it at LEAST three other people I know of this morning. We were finally able to figure out where they lived and get the police out to them, where they quickly tried to play it off and telling the police to forget about it instead of getting help they desperately need.

If you feel like you want to take your life, PLEASE call someone, ANYONE and talk to them. Tell them how you are feeling, it could be a medical problem that can be fixed!

But if you think you absolutely must take the selfish cowardly way out, find a cannon ball, tie it to your ankles and jump in the ocean so no one will find you. After a while, you will just be forgotten, which is all you deserve.

So it comes down to this. If you want to end it all, please seek help. And if you don't really want to seek help, then SCREW YOU AND DO IT ALONE!!

Nydia Tungsten