Reader Submitted: It's Only A Pixel Moon (My Time With Areal Loonie)

 

By DrFran Babcock 

It's Only A Paper Moon by Billy Rose, Harold Arlen, E. Y. Harburg

Say, it's only a paper moon

Sailing over a cardboard sea

But it wouldn't be make-believe

If you believed in me

INTRODUCTION

   Second Life has a reputation of being a sex-crazed and wild place. What is so peculiar about this is the fact that, while there is a plethora of every kind of kink that exists in this world, when you get to know people in Second Life, what you find is that it really is the place of deep and meaningful relationships. Touch, taste and smell are removed from the equation, and sight is based on how one chooses to represent. Thus, most people who go on to communicate in relationships find that the reliance on talking or typing leads to deeper connections than in meat space.  Here’s a story about all that.

SHOW & TELL

Show and Tell was one of my favorite events in Second Life. Each week Barney Boomslang and florenze Kerensky hosted residents in SL who wanted to demonstrate wild and inventive things they had built. After everyone had their time on the stage, the audience voted for the best item, and the winner got some Linden dollars. The crowd was as sharp and funny as the hosts and presenters.  

   In the second half of 2008, the weekly Show & Tell moved from the sim of Lummerland to Avaria (Home of Grendel’s).  Change is always hard, usually negative, but the diehard Show & Tell enthusiasts moved to the new sim. There were the usual grumbles; “It’s not like it used to be!” However, most of the people moved with the move, and the Show & Tell continued.

   I used to go to the event with Tiny HIckman (a giant dragon), Kumi Kuhr (not around much now), and other avatars who are gone or deceased. One day, in 2008, I was startled by the bell of an IM, and it was from a person I did not know. Areal Loonie is a funny but awful name, especially because I am a mental health professional, but their comment was intriguing. My profile, at that time, spoke about my love of canals, and Areal was asking me why I was interested in canals. We chatted about that during the show, and I thought nothing of it. Of  course I cammed over to see that his avatar was a black bat, and that was interesting and different.

   I started to realize that he—it turned out he was a he—had been coming to Show & Tell for way longer than I had, and we continued to chat. I told him about my secret build of a canal and lock that was based on the Paris Canal St. Martin. He got very excited and one thing led to another, and he visited. In the meantime, Lomgren Smalls, a teeny tiny cat from The Relay for Life Redheads team, was graciously adapting the Second Life Railroad script so it could be used for the canal.

BUILDING SIMS, BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP

Over time Areal and I chatted more and more and began to share experiences in Second Life and just talking on Skype.  From 2008 to 2014 we collaborated on three sim builds, all of them with canals on the sims of Purple, Lakeville and Campello (see photos).

We fought a lot. We had a lot of very similar ideas about what we wanted to build, but we also disagreed on a lot of things. I was much more social than Areal, and ended up having to go to a lot of events without him, but we always ended up chatting together in the end. We also fought over jealousies and other relationships. Looking back, from 2023, this was all so stupid, and we laughed at how silly we had been.

HIGH FIDELITY

In 2014, Philip Rosedale started High Fidelity, another Virtual World that relied on VR technology, and had a blockchain financial system. Philip is always ahead of his time, and Areal and I jumped from Second Life to High Fidelity and spent a number of years there until it eventually closed in 2018.  In May of 2016 High Fidelity held a Hackathon in San Francisco, and Areal and I met for the first time in first life. We had a wonderful time, and actually took a side trip to Palo Alto. I returned to San Francisco, and we spent days together.

While in High Fidelity we continued to build together and to learn about Physically Based Rendering (PBR) of objects that allowed them to respond to light like objects in the real world.  

Surprisingly, PBR is coming to Second Life eventually!

TO THE PRESENT

After High Fidelity died we went to Vircadia and Overte, and TivoliVR, three open source virtual worlds based on the High Fidelity code, but neither of these was very enticing.  

I became super angry with Areal when he refused to join Discord, so that we could communicate. Very few of the people we knew in virtual worlds were using Skype any more and his stubborness about joining Discord irked me to the point I broke off communication with him. For an entire year we did not speak to each other at all. I would see him in Overte and Vircadia, but we did not chat. The whole time this was going on I missed him so much and felt so sad.

RECONCILIATION

After about a year he spoke directly to me in voice in Overte and I answered him. I found out he was now on Discord, and he DMed me and friended me. We began to chat again and began building again in Overte. It was as if we had never stopped talking with each other. We went back to Second Life from time to time and went to Overte and VIrcadia (TivoliVR had closed). We started to collaborate on a build Areal (by this time calling himself Twa in virtual worlds) had started of downtown Paris and the subway system. I had my own build of a canal, of course, and we collaborated on that. In addition to virtual worlds we often played a sandbox zombie survival game: Seven Days to Die.  

We planned to get together again, but then COVID had other plans. However, we spoke every single day from two to six hours a day, depending on our schedules.

THE END

About six months ago Areal, a heavy smoker, went for a full-body scan and they found a mass in his lungs. By February 2nd of 2023 he had died of complications following lung surgery. Luckily, I had contact with some of his family memebers, so I was able to know of his condition.  Throughout his recovery we “spoke” on FaceTime, although he had to write on a pad, because the ventilator prevented him from speaking. It was as if we had come full circle, relying on chat again.

We had just begun to make plans to live together finally. I had retired from my job, and he was already retired. We talked about the details of merging our four cats and about me, a lifelong New Yorker, living in California. I was happy about this. Old age had softened our rough edges and we were very companiable.  

We met in Second Life and together we built a good life. Our story is not dissimilar from many others in the Metaverse. It continues to demonstrate the great power of connection between humans despite the way in which it manifests. 

Rest in Peace, Areal Loonie. 

DrFran

Commentary: Suicide and Second Life

By DrFran Babcock

There has been a lot of discussion, anger and passion over the Commentary posted by Nydia Tungsten and Brandi Streusel Tungsten on March 2^nd, 2015 in this esteemed publication  (http://slnewserpeople.blogspot.com/2015/03/commentary-suicide.html). When I got to the monthly Newser staff meeting last Saturday, I was alarmed to find that Nydia was not there. According to editor Bixyl, she was taking a break from Second Life™ because of her upset over the event which had prompted her commentary.

 

I had wanted to tell her how much I agreed with what she said. However, I didn’t get that chance, and then the Plurk-driven underbelly of Second Life™ cranked into action, resulting in this SL Secret submission last Sunday. (see number 9 http://slsecrets.com/slsecrets/slsecret-week-341/ ).

I suppose you are wondering why I am inserting myself into this controversy. I have worked in behavioral health for almost all of my life, the last 30 years full-time in a psychiatric hospital. I work in a huge health system, and I am one of seven people who comprise the Suicide Task Force for the health system. I am not bragging; I am attempting to establish the fact that I have been very close to the subject for many years. 

Suicide is always a mess. It means that someone is in enough pain to override the human instinct to stay alive. It means that the people left behind will suffer, and spend their lives wondering what they could have done to prevent it. Most of all, it means that something that was essentially preventable took place.

The fact that someone threatens suicide because they want us to know they are in pain, or because they have learned that these gestures bring attention and love does not mean that they will not eventually complete a suicide — either on purpose or by accident. However, if you tell me you are going to end your life in a venue or situation in which I have no actual access to you—there is nothing I can do.

Nydia and Brandi are angry because they were put in a hostage situation. There is no denying that the person who sent the photos of himself with the gun was in pain, but he put his friends in a horrid no-win situation. 

In virtual worlds, where we don’t always know how to contact the person behind the avatar, it is easy to create a drama. While I don’t know the details of the relationship this person had with Nydia and Brandi, they scrambled to help the man in whatever manner they had at their disposal.

Perhaps this incident can serve to raise awareness of suicide. Suicide is always preventable, provided the person who is suicidal seeks help. The sad reality is that the disease of depression, the single largest stimulus for suicide, can also cause a person to remain isolated and secretive about their feelings. It is never OK to threaten and tease people with suicide, but the suicidal person’s judgment is often impaired.

I applaud the Tungsten’s for venting their feelings about this event. It is time for mental illness and suicide to come out of the darkness. The discussion has to get going. We have to be able to talk about these things so that people understand that suicidal people are in pain, and not bad. What this guy did was an act of anger and need, and I hope he gets help. I hope if there is a next time he feels this way that instead of emotional hostage-taking, he picks up a phone and asks for help.

Many years ago an ex-patient of mine contacted me (my number is unlisted, so I have no idea how she did it), and started to threaten suicide. I got her number from the hospital and called it, but the number had been disconnected. I made some other attempts to contact her which turned out to be all dead ends. I let it go, because I had done all I could do. 

Am I responsible for helping someone who doesn’t allow me to really help them? I think not. I am responsible for making the effort to do so. That is what Nydia did. I hope she can come back to Second Life™. Until then, I will miss her fine writing in the SL Newser. 

This editorial reflects my beliefs, and my experience. I welcome a dialogue, because that’s how things emerge from the shadows. Suicide needs to emerge from the shadows, so we can help.

DrFran Babcock

Commentary: Suicide

By Nydia Tungsten and Brandi Streusel Tungsten

Last night, I had a friend send pictures with a shotgun barrel in their mouth to a few of us. To say it upset me is a severe understatement. They were saying this was how they were feeling, then stopped talking after a while. We all feared the worst had happened. I was in tears most of the night.

I am STILL a wreck this morning as I write this with shaky hands. I have lost two very dear and close friends to suicide, over what they thought they could not endure anymore. I still love them both and remember them, but I do it with mixed feelings.

Their acts of cowardice destroyed lives not of their own, and I am talking about the family members that found them and their friends that have to deal with the sudden loss. Imagine a sister that finds her brother a week after he hung himself, a full week! Imagine what that did to her. Imagine a mother who goes into to talk to her daughter in the morning only to find her dead soiled body on the bed next to an empty pill bottle.

Suicide doesn't just affect the ones that do it, but those that are left behind, and to me, they are the biggest, most selfish cowards in the world. People will say I just don't understand. Maybe they are right, but I will bet you dollars to doughnuts more people believe the way I do.

Celebrities that kill themselves are “Celebrated for their lives and the works they have done” when in fact, they need to be forgotten and the media needs to stop being glamorizing their deaths to the public and making it look like it was honorable. IT'S NOT! They died like they lived: attention whores! That is the message I get from ever celebrity site that has front page news about the latest suicide, and yes it has made me a bit bitter.

And for those of you that feel you need to send pictures to your friends with guns in your mouth, you are the worst.

I am not saying not to reach out, I encourage that. YES, talk to someone. But stuff like
that is WAY over the line and you come across as a theatrical attention whore once the dust settles.

Because of that picture, my nerves are shot, I've gotten very little sleep. I am an emotional wreck as it at LEAST three other people I know of this morning. We were finally able to figure out where they lived and get the police out to them, where they quickly tried to play it off and telling the police to forget about it instead of getting help they desperately need.

If you feel like you want to take your life, PLEASE call someone, ANYONE and talk to them. Tell them how you are feeling, it could be a medical problem that can be fixed!

But if you think you absolutely must take the selfish cowardly way out, find a cannon ball, tie it to your ankles and jump in the ocean so no one will find you. After a while, you will just be forgotten, which is all you deserve.

So it comes down to this. If you want to end it all, please seek help. And if you don't really want to seek help, then SCREW YOU AND DO IT ALONE!!

Nydia Tungsten

Looking Back: The End of Second Life Newspaper

By Bixyl Shuftan

Three years ago this month was when my writing career in Second Life faced it's moment of decision.  At the time, I was working at Second Life Newspaper, with Grey Lupindo, Gemma Cleanslate, Shellie Sands, and Breezes Babii as coworkers. Our boss was Dana Vanmoer, the longtime editor, and recently the owner of the paper.


The past several months had not been easy ones for Dana, or the paper. One of our major sponsors, BNT landholdings, had suddenly went bankrupt. Besides the significant loss of revenue and a private island, Dana had to put up with a lot of grief from people who sent her angry messages due to our advertising of them. She had to deal with them by herself as the founder of SLN, JamesT Juno, had left Second Life due to real life troubles. He and Dana had grown closer and partnered, so his leaving was doubly painful for her. Also, over time several writers had dropped out due to real-life situations, leaving us a smaller paper than when I came aboard.

As the office manager, I would update the paper when Dana couldn't. This didn't happen often for most of the time I had the job. But in 2010, it fell to me more and more often. It wasn't a big matter to me as I wrote a lot anyway. Whatever was bugging her, I felt would soon pass.

It was in April in which our Editor called for a staff meeting. I was still looking back at our "April Fool" article with chuckles, so I went in with fairly light spirits. Little did I realize what was ahead. After her greeting, Dana dropped a bombshell. She couldn't keep up the paper any more due to real life problems. Despite that James had made her the CEO, she didn't feel it was really "her" paper to give to someone else. So not only would she be resigning, but the paper would be closing as well, in June.

Our reaction was stunned disbelief. We urged her not to call it quits for good, but to take a break. Her response was that she didn't see her problems going away for a long, long time. Gemma urged her if she had to go to hand the paper over to me, or even a merger with another SL media company. But Dana's decision was final. The paper would continue on until June to finish off our sponsorships. Some would be getting a little extra time for free. We were also asked not to tell anyone else about this, not even our sponsors.

With the paper's fate sealed, we did the only thing we could, keep writing. Well, almost the only thing. We chatted among ourselves about options, and came the idea of forming another paper. It would not be an easy task. We would be in effect starting over. But there just was no other option on the table.

One complication was when I got a complaint about an article I did for an adult media company by a competitor, insisting they were dishonest. As I couldn't talk about the paper's closing, I told him I'd be in a better position to do an advert for them later on. I also got a job offer from one of our medium sponsors: Mystery. I told them I could start in early June.

Dana did feel we should at least throw one final bash for our friends and supporters. So in a press release she announced some "big news" would be forthcoming at a party on Saturday June 5th. James would be able to make it that day fortunately. We looked to the day with a mix of anticipation and dread.

Finally the day came, and the staff gathered early. We greeted James, happy to meet the old boss, at least for today. The party started off well enough, with others happy to see James as well. I think someone thought the "big news" was James' return. But it was not to be. Eventually, James himself called everyone into chat range.

"It is with pain in our heart that we salute you tonight. It is with pain in our heart we leave this place. It is with pain in our heart we allow the final curtain to fall. For us as avatar, and for our beloved newspaper, its time to end it."

"The sl-newspaper will end."

It must've been a true shock to the audience. A number expressed their sadness in sad sighs and tears. I did announce a few minutes later the rest of us would be setting up another paper. But as expected, it did little to ease the sting. Instead of the new paper, people kept IMing me asking why the paper was closing down. It was an outwardly happy party, but on the inside, we were sad that this would be the last we'd be all together.

Eventually, James and Dana had to go. And their avatars faded away. And the staff and I stood there, knowing that the end of SL Newspaper had finally come, and what lay ahead was an uncertain future.

Dana's final article went up shortly there after. She explained that with their real life problems becoming too much to handle, or "our real lives taking over" as she put it, she and James just couldn't run the paper any more. She thanked the staff and her friends, such as 10 Goosson and the Skybeam community, for their support. She also gave a parting warning, "One thing I would hope for the future for SL is that the Lindens go back and realize what they are destroying with their policies. The sheer creativity, communication, and … impact … is being eaten away by the Lindens stupidly ignoring the content creators with their ill thought out policies, which help no one, except their own pockets." There was a small irony here as days later, the Lab laid off a third of their staff.

Soon afterwards, the front page of the paper changed, announcing it was closed. there were a couple banners up for Skybeam and M and M Creations, in addition to a link to the archives, at least for the front page. But most of the other sections were closed down, for reasons known only to Dana. Fortunetly, we found the "People" section was still up.

Dana had also left a link to the new newsletter, so readers could find it. One last favor.

Over the next few days, I continued to get messages, asking why SLN had folded. Some expressed their sympathies, but I also got a couple angry responses from sponsors, "Why didn't you tell us?!" I never heard a word about the free month of time some got. The porn director who complained earlier about an article was also upset. Among other SL media outlets, the "Herald," the tabloid that Dana joked was our arch rival, made a brief announcement that was an overall complement to her.

Over time, I would see JamesT Juno a couple more times. He was happy with how me and the staff were continuing with the news. Dana I would see inworld only once more. She came online once in November 2010 while Breezes was in the hospital. We met and talked for a while. It was a meeting unlike what we had before. No longer was it as her the editor and me her top reporter. Instead, it was me as the editor of the paper that had taken the place of hers. Talking with her, she explained she hadn't kept up with reading up about Second Life, and was surprised to hear about the layoffs at Linden Lab and the Emeraldgate mess. This would be the last time we chatted.

As the weeks and months went by, I heard more about Dana's real life situation. While I can't disclose what it is, I can say it was about to make running the paper impossible. I can only assume she continues to communicate with her SL family in some way, but her days of running a media outlet are behind her.

Perhaps someday, hopefully someday soon, she and James can be happy together again.

In the meantime, we at the Newser in June prefer to look back at June as not so much the end of our old newspaper, but the founding of our new one. As the original Second Life Newspaper began as one man's dream, others who shared the dream would carry on with Second Life Newser.

But that, is another story.

Bixyl Shuftan

More on the Mos Espa "Star Wars" Sim Closing

Last week on Nov 26, it was reported that the Mos Espa sim, a location for roleplaying by several "Star Wars" groups, would be closing down in two days. Daniel Voyager wrote that the sim owner stated the reasons were "due to real life and Second Life issues."

Mos Espa in the "Star Wars" movies was a small city on the desert world of Tatooine, where the young Anakan Skywalker lived in "The Phantom Menace" (In "A New Hope," Luke Skywalker and  Obi-Wan Kenobi get off the planet through Mos Eisley). A notecard from the sim described the town in it's RP with the following: "Mos Espa is only one town on Tatooine, it is known to be a dangerous place under control of multiple Hutt Clans. With one of the most harsh environments for a planet, the sun is burning hot. Temperatures are high and storms blow up with winds of sand ripping through the town slowly eroding all in is way. Residents of the town are often seen in basic style robes and hoods to protect themselves from the sand storms and sun."

The role-play is described as taking place long after the events in the movies. Under the rules, the Nasiri Clan was the only one open to players, the rest being represented by NPCs in plots. Among the groups in the sim were the Nasirii Hutt Clan, the Nasirii Enforcers (guards and security), Nasirii Entertainment (dancers and staff), and Nasirii Hutt Clan Contracts (smugglers and freelance traders).

Going through the sim, there were a number of buildings around the place, some more detailed than others. In one corner was a Jawa sand trawler with a few banthas (beast of burden and meat source). One building I came across was a bar, the "Last Shot Cantina." The Star Wars Roleplay Wiki describes the place as having had different people employed as managers, but all having failed to make enough money to please its Hutt owners. Looking around the place, there was a working music player. Two special events the notecard described the role-play as having time to time were Pod Races, and "Miss Galaxy" beauty contests. As for how to end the RP, Daniel Voyager wrote that the last act had, "The role-play will be about a Sith betrayal in the city and the destruction of Mos Espa."


One resident whom built much of the place was Glitch Tennant. Second Life Newser contacted him about the closing, and he responded, "I helped to build the sim. I got to play a bit, and be part of some good fun races. I was lucky to be asked to help build Mos Espa, and jumped at the chance. Really thanks goes to Wittsofwanda Zapatero, it was her sim she paid the bills and gave us all place to play."

"It's a shame to see the sim go, although thats part of Star Wars Roleplay. Players will continue on in story, and find other places to make home. I wish 'em all well, and it was a joy to see some of the stories made on Mos Espa. The players bring the life to any sim, and that's just magic. Happy RP to all."


Sources: Daniel Voyager, SWRP Wiki

Bixyl Shuftan