Ask DrFran: How Can I Get Him Back?

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran:

I am sure that you can help me with this problem I have been having for a few months. Since my boyfriend and I have broken up, I have been pining for him, and can’t get him out of my mind. The funny thing is that it was me who broke up the relationship.

Fred (not his real name) and I have been an item for a long time by Second Life™ standards. Just before the break up I was starting to feel a bit neglected, and wondering if Fred was seeing someone else here—something that is all too easy to do in this virtual world. I got really angry with him one night, and just unfriended him, and refused to speak with him for a while.

Now, several months later, I find that I miss him terribly. He kept Instant Messaging me after the break up, even though I did not return the messages. One day I did respond to an IM, and I found that feelings of having missed him started to well up in me. I realized that I had made a mistake in breaking up in such a dramatic way.

DrFran, although we haven’t re-friended (he says he was too hurt to let an unfriending happen again) we still do speak often. I have no way to know if he is online, nor does he know about me. Therefore, it takes some effort for us to chat, but it does seem to happen.

I want us to be back together, but that hasn’t happened. Yet, I think that he is really wanting the same thing, but just afraid to try being a couple again. I keep giving him gifts of builds I have made. In fact, he used one on his land. I started to wear purple hair, because I know it’s his favorite color. I try to stay in world at times when I think he will be online. I have even told him that I still care for him. What can I do to encourage him to take me back? I just know it’s what he wants. 

 Wanting

Dear Wanting: Sometimes I really hate my job. I get letters such as yours, filled with hopes and dreams for a better future all the time. How can I get him back? That’s probably the number one question I get asked. If you listen to popular music, you will hear songs about: “Come back to me,” all the time. Loss is a big part of being a human, and here in Second Life™ things feel even more intense. So, your loss is a great one.

The reason I hate my job at times, is because I have to tell people bad news. Wanting, the bad news is that more than likely Fred is not coming back. How do I know this? Well, (guys cover your ears) men are not very complex when it comes to women. When a guy wants a woman, he will usually go and get her. There’s none of the doubt and obsession, and constant inner debating that is the work of women throughout the world.

If Fred wanted to be back with you; he would so be there. I know you will try to tell me that he’s shy, or maybe he was hurt and is being careful. Invoking the world of the old Magic 8 ball: Odds are not in your favor. Fred is being nice, because most people would rather eat glass than look like a bad guy. So, he chats with you, may even IM you first, will accept your gifts, and other signs that he is coming back. He wouldn’t friend with you, and that is big. Did you feel rejected by that? It was a rejection, in my opinion.

There is nothing that you can do—no hair color, gift, availability, etc.—that will bring Fred back unless that’s what he wants to do. When people push, I always remember what Princess Leia said to Darth Vader, when he was trying to force information out of her: The tighter you squeeze; the more star systems will slip through your fingers. People hate feeling manipulated and forced. I am sure you do, as well.

My advice, since you asked, is to go one with your second life. If Fred wants to be back in your life, he will do that. Otherwise, you moving on is the only way to ensure that you will get to enjoy your time here. I hope you decide to let go, move on, and enjoy all those things you deserve. By the way: Purple hair? Well, Relay for Life is in full swing, so maybe your hair will do for that, but it won’t get Mr. Wont-be-your-Friend back in your life. 

Cheers, 

DrFran

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you.

A Day of Relay Events

By Bixyl Shuftan

Saturday March 23rd was a day full of events for the Relay For Life. Numerous teams had events planned, large and small. And all of them cheered each other on through the volunteer group chat.

At 11AM was the biggest event in terms of area it took place on: the "Cross-Country Giant Snail Race." Organized by RacerX Gullwing and his team, his Giant Snail Races usually take place on an obstacle course in part of a sim. This marathon took place over 45 sims on the Mainland, going by places such as "The Shelter." For the Relay, RacerX and his team are known as the Giant Snail Relay team.

About a dozen racers donned giant snail avatars, and took part in the course. There were a few problems unfortunately for both contestants and onlookers. Forks in the road had arrows to help guide the racers. Unfortunetly, lag could sometimes hide them, from both racers and people trying to keep up with the action. The snails could also get caught in obstacles hidden by lag, such as trees, in addition to ban lines from peoples' houses on the mainland. The exact time the race took wasn't available when this article was written, but these cross-sim races often take over forty minutes before the first racer crosses the finish line, and an hour before most contestants have gotten through. Alden Cortes' snail was the one who won the race. Stay tuned for the race to appear on the Treet.tv archives soon.


The Giant Snail Relay might have had the largest event. But there were plenty of others. The Unmasking a Cure team announced a "Sink the DJ" event, "Unmasking A Cure team is kicking off our first event with DJ Chris Crisis! Come on down …  We'll be here all day! Hope you can stop in and have some fun with us!" Getting there, it was a small but enthusiastic crowd. The DJ and hostess were sporting ducky water floats, "Pay the kiosk 100L, and I'll take your request. Show your love, help unlock a cure!" Near the dance floor was a small pool, presumable where the DJ would end up if enough cash was donated. The event went on for about eight hours.

At Celtic Isle, an "En Garde" fencing tournament was held. Panza Elde announced the competition to Relay chat, taking amusement to the variety of avatars, "Another match about to begin, bird vs bunny." Heading over, the contestants were a variety of human, furred, and tiny avatars.  More than 11,000 Lindens had been raised at the event, the winner being Capt Blinker with Stero Nacht a close second. Capt Blinker joked, "I cheated, I tied Stereo's shoelaces together. (grins)"

There were other events that day. The Sunbeamers held a special "Purple Passion" Relay event that night at Club Cutlass in Sunweaver Space. How much was raised at the event is unknown, but as of the writing of this article, the team was comfortably in Bronze status with almost 32,000 Lindens. Harmony for Hope held a "Jail n Bail" in which Sunshine Zhangsun found herself behind bars, "I am too cute, so they threw me in jail. *pouts*"  "I'm sure it's well deserved." "Yes! Oh wait, I mean NOOOOO!!" And there were some more jokes about "Stinky the Skunk" and his continued presence at the Relay Rockers. It would be a few more days until the Rockers were finally free of their long lasting "skunked" status.

 There will be many more Relay events big and small in the coming days and weeks. You can find some posted in the Relay For Life in Second Life webiste Here. A new website was also revealed which keeps track of various RFL blogs and those of friends of the Relay.

"Go Relay!"

Bixyl Shuftan

Image Credit: Jasmine Dawn Shuftan

Reading of 100 Word Stories at Book Island

By Grease Coakes

When I was at Book Island last time, Jackson Arthur told me about a beta reading for 100 words so stories for the following week. This sounded fun to me, so taking a mere 5 minutes or so I write a 100 or so story (It went over 100 a little bit but don’t tell Book Island that). I warped over to Olivia Whitsend’s office as she hosted the event. I ran into Relish, the small tiger from last time, and I found out that he is also Brokali the blue alien!

Then my Exodus viewer kicked me off, and I had to log back in. I was telling everyone in the Book Island group that I had a good story, and here it is. Danger Dave had created a notecard launcher where when you send the white square in the middle of a table your notecard goes to everyone in range.

At a telemarketing job was a man and woman. One day Sally pleaded with Phil to borrow $5. Phil said he didn’t like lending money as most times he did not get paid back. But eventually Phil caved in. One day Phil asked Sally if she could he pay him back when Sally got a fat check from a lot of sales. Sally smiled and said she had bills to pay. When Sally was short on money she asked around and no one lent her any money. Phil would have of said yes, but she didn’t pay him back. That night after work Sally had no bus fare and had to walk ten miles in the rain back to her house. As a result she became sick and was unable to come to work the next day.

I got positive feedback on grammar and Relish/Brokali suggested words to add to the power of my story. Everyone’s comments did add to my story.

Jackson Arthur wrote a piece of him using words like jink and pirouette, his character used many fancy words to describe his character wanting to get away from Robert. It ended that he only has enough time for one word.

I will have to be rude. Might be fun! Use your imagination to think of what word Jackson Arthur may have used.

Brokali/Relish’s story was about a lemonade stand at the corner of Filth and Poverty. He told his story about a lemonade stand that was left behind by the current day and age of adults hating having to drive to work. Also the lemonade stand was ignored as people went to get drugs or beer instead or any fast food joint. The point was powerful saying how the lemonade stand is a bygone of more innocent times.

Silver’s poem also had a strong message of a woman walking towards an abyss with footsteps of sorrows and sins. The message I got from her poem was someone thinking of ending their own life after living a depressing and sorrowful life.


Olivia hosting the event gave out a notecard of ideas for next week for 100 or so stories. One of the ideas was gangnam style! I complained saying, "Noooooo! I don’t want to write about that!" Olivia said of course you don’t have to write about that it was only an idea. I assured her that it was an attack on gangnam style not on her. Another suggestion was “Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world.”

It was fun hearing everyone’s story and sharing mine. I hung out for the next event Jackson Arthur’s for a little bit, but I wanted to do some real life stuff as well so I did not stay for that. He said you can never have too much coffee I said you can never have too much coffee, ha ha! Book Island is a great place to hang to talk about anything word or book related and hang with fun people.

Grease Coakes

Relay For Life "Skunk Aid"

By Bixyl Shuftan

On Sunday March 17th, there were a number of Relay For Life events. There was the Fashion For Life, for one. But another event was the "Skunk Aid" party. The event was held for  the Relay Rockers, led by Captain Nuala Maracas, which had been targeted by someone in the Relay's "Stinky the Skunk" campaign. The "Moonstar Mavericks," led by Amanda Darbyshire, were also involved. The event was from 5 to 7PM at Arinultra Cay.

 OK You Allllll...  You Skunked the Rockers, so now its time to celebrate with the first EVER Skunk Aid..  its a Black and White 60s Party   coming up at 5pm in Arinultra Cay.   Music by Yours Truly.  Come let Stinky know we love him, but Just Like Cancer.. its time to Move On!


No reporter was there at the scene, though details could be read in Relay chat, "STINKY!!!!!! … Moonstar Mavericks also got a visit from Stinky. … Stinky is a cute skunk, too." "I'm a doctor, not a skunk herder." "STINKY!! He's not visiting the Rockers. He LIVES with you." "As  a Noob this year, Im wondering who Relay Rockers tiffed off to have us Skunked so many Times!!?? "Well, you know what they say. Old homes are sturdy homes. And, Stinky decided he wanted to move into the sturdiest home in Relay." "Hahahaa, I first read that as 'old homes are stinky homes.'" "Hell I don't know, all I know is we have been skunked until Summer!!!" "I think they wanted him...maybe even paid him to stay…*winks* " The Relay Rockers had been given more than the standard five day skunking.

Trader commented, "Yep!  When Life gives you Lemons you make Lemonade.When Relay Gives you Skunks you make .... T-shirts and hold a Skunk Aid Party! … Rockers and Mavericks  come get your shirts and hats!  Cancer Stinks!!!" For a 50L donation, one would get a  "Cancer Stinks" T-shirt. There were also skunk caps one could get for free just for showing up.

The comments continued, "The two team captains are dressed as skunks....lol.. too funny!" "Yep.. Stinky Maracas. And Stinky Darbyshire." Trader sent me a few pictures which showed some of the funnery. Nuala had donned a fursuit over her avatar. Amanda had changed from human to furry with a Luskwood skunkgirl avatar, sporting green hair as it was St. Patricks Day.

Later on, I chatted with Trader about the event. "(We) raised about 8g and got Amanda unskunked," he told me, "We are using nothing but skunk kiosks. We had a good time (laughter). … We had people popping in and out. Lots of teams were represented.  It was a cooperative event between Relay's oldest and of its newest teams to rid ourselves of Stinky.  It showed true One Team spirit!"

"The jokes were bad," he added, "the usual road kill jokes, 'what color does SkunkAde come in?: Purple of Course.' (laughter) And I played 60s songs like 'White Rabbit,' 'Black Is Black,' 'Whiter Shade of Pale,' 'Paint it Black,' (and) wrapped with 'Ebony & Ivory.'" Trader commented he might have added songs like "That Smell," "but it was a 60s show." So what was the craziest moment? "Well, Nuala Maracas in a Skunk gut doing 'Gangnam Style' was interesting (laughter). I am glad no one took a picture of me in my Family tartan kilt , a grey 'Cancer Stinks' Shirt, and a Stinky Baseball cap."

"It was a fun event. It shows the special quality of Relay For Life of Second Life...  Regardless of your team, regardless of where on the globe we are all one team, sharing the same dream: a world without cancer! Stinky is a fun addition to Relay! Now that doesn't mean we want him to be a permanent tenant at Arinultra Cay, we don't mind him staying for a visit!"

Checking the Relay Rockers team page, someone had put up more cash to have the team skunked until April 5th. But more donations came, so by the time of this article's publishing the date had been moved back to March 30th. The fundraising boosts have raised the Relay Rockers' total to over $139,000 Lindens raised, or over $550 US dollars. The Moonstar Mavericks aren't far behind with over $129,000 L raised. Both are Silver-ranked teams. At over 51,000 Lindens raised, the Steelhead Salmons are halfway to Silver.

There were other events that day, such as a bumper car rally. One of the leading teams, Harmony of Hope, was issued a challenge when one fox resident offered to go pink if the 200,000 Linden mark was crossed. It was, and he did. 

For more information, check the RFL in SL website. 

"Cancer Stinks!"

Bixyl Shuftan

Pictures from Trader1 Whiplash

Ask DrFran: Lonely; Not Alone

Dear DrFran:

My Second Life girlfriend, Daisy, is the love of my life. Since we met  we have been together all the time. I have come to depend on her for planning all of our activities. She dresses me, she buys the furniture in our house, she suggests land to buy, etc. She is like a busy bee, always flittering about. Of course, I wouldn’t be writing you DrFran, if things were all rosey.

About a month ago, Daisy got a job here working for one of the big estate holders. She is responsible for responding to renters requests when she is on duty, and the owner of the estates has come to rely upon her, for building parts of the islands, and other duties. It’s not surprising as Daisy is most capable. The problem for me is that she is never available any more to do the things we used to do, and I spend a lot of time just sitting around and waiting for her to have time. I don’t think she’s cheating on me. She just seems to be busy all the time. Even more, with the Relay for Life season approaching, she will be even busier. Please tell me what to do? 

Yours, 

Alone Again.

Dear AA: Your last sentence kind of sums things up: Please tell me what to do? Why should any grown person need someone else to tell them what to do? It seems that Daisy was helping you to live, and you became so dependent upon her direction that you somehow lost the ability to think for yourself. I am not surprised that she has become busy elsewhere. Relationships need to be about give and take, and the one you describe is a bit one-sided.

I have no idea how to get Daisy to come back to you. However I do have some ideas for you. The best way to make yourself attractive to another person is to have your own interests and pursuits:

1.     I have said this before, and I will say it again: Do what you like in Second Life. You know that anything goes…so go do what you love. Love hockey? Well there are many hockey leagues in Second Life, same goes for all sports. I know many folks here who race cars happily, engage in wizardry tournaments, etc. There is something for everybody. Most important is that it is something you want to do.

2.     DrFran can be guilty of this next attribute, so be aware that I say what I say because of experience: DO NOT BE NEEDY. I can hear the whine in your voice, AA. I can’t tell you how unattractive that looks. I have lost first and Second Life partners by being clingy, demanding of time, or just “there,” wanting attention. See number one for what to do instead of waiting for your love to show up.

3.     Make some male friends. Friends are a great way to spend time in Second Life. The grid is enormous and filled with things of wonder and delight. Have you ever visited the Disney Parade? On the hour the characters march by to music. Silly fun, but fun nonetheless, and with a group of people, it’s even better. I don’t want you to think I am minimizing your feelings, or your ability to make friends, but it’s a lot easier in Second Life than in First Life. I find that all that is required is to speak up a bit in group settings. People are interested in people who seem alive with ideas and comments. If what you describe above is accurate, I have the feeling that people see you as just a shadow of your girlfriend, without a life of your own.

4.     Be honest: If you really care for Daisy, tell her so. This does NOT mean that you say it in a way that is a plea. True love is love that does not make a demand for reciprocation. State your love simply, and let it go. A person who loves you will heat that and respond.  A person who does not love you will never hear anything you say about love.

I hope this is helpful to you, AA. It is time for you to get your own Second Life. If not, I fear that Daisy will drift further and further away. Maybe next time you log in, you will follow your dreams, so that you can say: “Oh, I am sorry, I am busy with this trivia game,” next time. Maybe then, just maybe Daisy will see that you have a mind of your own, and that it makes you more attractive to her.

Please feel free to write to me again, and let me know how you make out. 

Yours, 

DrFran

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you.

The Steelhead Salmons' Kickoff Party

By Bixyl Shuftan

On Sunday March the 10th, the Steelhead Salmons held their kickoff event for the 2013 Relay for Life season. From about 1 PM SL time to about 9PM, DJs spun their tunes at the steampunk community's Club Gearz.

Join Steelhead for their RFL Kickoff Event, with music and assorted fun, including 'The Hair.' … Also a Jail and Bail scattered through the afternoon (No, Trader is busy today, please no more IMs asking me to arrest him). Hope you can join us.

Filling in for Aryon Dagger, Fuzzball Ortega DJed from 1 to 3 PM. From 3 to 5PM. the latex-clad Madonna Daehile had her turn with the tunage. At 5PM, Vic Morrington played the music. Earlier in the event, Fuzzball was in the cage for the Jail n' Bail. While Vic played, it was Gem Sunkiller who was under arrest. She danced in the cage, wearing a sizable purple wig and a "100 Years of Hope" T-shirt. People dropped in amounts at the Steelhead vendor until 5000 Lindens had been raised. She was finally free to go.

At 7PM. Fuzzball took over the stream once again, also broadcasting on Krypton Radio. He stool in the corner, sporting "The Hair." For those not in the know, Fuzzball bet in the 2011 season that if the Steelhead Salmons went Platinum, he'd "wear the wackiest, wildest, hair around. Well, here it is." Since then, "The Hair" has continued to be a source of humor and pride for the Salmons. Problem is, it blocks his view of movement. When moving around, he usually has to put away the enormous headpiece so huge, it's weight is supported by propellers. Fuzzball stood next to a sign that some Relayer had done a few weeks ago, and somehow became popular among his fans, "Blame Fuzz and Go Relay." While he sometimes pretends to be mad about it, like other good-natured ribbings that his fellow Relayers have given him, he took it in stride.


The crowd at Club Gearz was a mixed one. Some were Steelhead residents. Others were noted Relayers from outside the steampunk community. And some were simply friends of both whom were not part of any Relay team. Someone showed up in an anthro skunk avatar, a reference to "Stinky the Skunk," the character who show's up on a Relay team's page when someone donates at ACS  Island to "skunk" the team. As it turned out, the day after the event someone *did* pay to have the Steelhead Salmons skunked, probably the first team to have been. There was no clue as whom gave the Steelheads this dubious honor.

More than 10,000 Lindens were raised during the Kickoff event, bringing the total raised by the Steelheads to over 20,000 Lindens. As of now, the Steelhead Salmons have raised about 29,500 L in Second Life, and 15,000 L outside the Grid, for a total of 44,500 Lindens. Almost half the amount needed for Silver rank. For this steampunk team of the Relay For Life in Second Life, it was a good beginning.

Bixyl Shuftan

For Jasmine Dawn Shuftan's article, Click Here. 

Ask DrFran: "A Friend in Need"

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran:  

Second Life has a number of things to offer. One is the people. The variety of avatars certainly allows us to appear in a number of ways, such as my furry fox avatar. Then there's how our personalities show. In my first home, one of my neighbors was a gun-totting girl who loved to shoot things up once in a while. We never became an item, as she preferred other girls and was partnered to one, she a fur and her partner a human. Despite her being a "lezzie" as she called herself, the attention of guys wasn't necessarily unwelcome as long as it didn't go too far, her responding to whistles with a wink.

When the home went under after the owner couldn't afford to keep it up longer, I lost touch with many friends there. But we kept in touch with each other. Over time, we met more often, including a few rounds at firing ranges, and at combat sandboxes, watching each others' backs.

Then her partner dumped her, for reasons I never heard. My friend was naturally saddened, and I spent some extra time with her, listening to her. I thought she'd be be blue for a time, but her depression lingered and deepened. She felt worthless, despite my words of praise.

If she preferred the company of guys for intimate contact, I would have asked her out. But her preferring the company of girls, well, that option was out. I don't know what to do as the only other girl whom also did, she was partnered and she didn't know where my friend could find another.

What can I do to help my sad friend?

Worried Fox

Dear, dear Worried Fox:

People are generally very good and compassionate. I see how much you hurt for the pain of your friend, and I know that you are a decent soul. However, as much as we want folks to be happy and at peace with their lives, there is rarely anything that we can do to make this happen. True contentment comes from within, and is not dependent upon the acts of other people.

The best that anyone can do for another person is to listen and to validate their experience. People who feel that they are being heard by others seem to do very well. Sometimes when I work with patients I don’t even say a word. I am just there as a presence, a sounding board. Patients tell me: “That was the best session ever,” and don’t even realize that I have said nothing.

Another thing to consider is the nature of male female relationships. Remember that what I say is always my opinion, and this can differ from yours and others. I find that men and women can be friends, but usually best after they have had a love relationship. Many people disagree with me about this, but my exes here in Second Life and in First Life are my friends, after a period of being apart. My belief is that if you liked the person enough to go out with them, you probably like them. In your case, you hadn’t a chance to date your friend, and it would not have happened, based on her relationship preferences. It’s pretty well known that “lezzies” may sleep with men, but they really do prefer to be with women. However, this does not mean she couldn’t be your friend, and I guess she is.

The rules of attraction are so complicated. A very wise therapist once told me that when you are out and about you are dragging all your emotional luggage around with you. If you should stumble upon someone to whom you are attracted you throw your luggage into a heap with their luggage, and you hope you have a matched set. The pile of valises gets higher and higher each time we do this. And yet, many of us do it over and over again.

Worried Fox, I hope you have found some happiness, because it is very evident to me that you are a kind and caring fox. 

Fondly, 

DrFran

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you

One Billion Still Rising

By Gemma Cleanslate

 Saffia Widdershins sent out a call for a  meeting to discuss how to keep the One Billion Rising event on February 14 in SL to continue and not just be a one time 24 hour recognition of violence against women in the world. The event itself was a way to recognize the real life event taking place all over the world. There were demonstrations in many counties from one side of the world to the other .http://onebillionrising.org/ some were marches, some were singings, some were sudden dances. In my own state in the USA there was a hearing going on at the state capital and a group showed up there and broke into the song and dance.  

 

The way it was done here, in SL, in this little part of the universe, was to have magnificent art builds dedicated to the issue,  surrounding a party stage  where people gathered from midnight to midnight at this place in a universe that is open to people all over the world, men, women and children as avatars and they came! Every minute of the day there were four sims full of avatars who came to recognize, affirm that there is a problem against girl children  teens and adult women in this 21st century in the world. 

The discussion led by Saffia at the meetings Friday March 1 and Saturday March 2,  were held at the Virtual Ability sim and were well attended by those who had some contribution to the original event in some way during or before the OBR in SL. There were numerous suggestions and ideas presentedduring the meeting that went on for well over an hour . It is the first of many such meetings I think.

 

Education in SL is a wonderful idea, but that education is not always sitting in a classroom listening to lectures. How well does that go over in SL? (although I do it in philosophy, lol)  It can be as easy as being invited by a friend to participate in a party, where you say “what is this about“ and are suddenly educated to an issue you had no idea existed and become a student of it or more, a  part of it all. This IS education. This is to the betterment of life here and outside of SL for you. 

 

As a Customer Relations Officer at the SL event I saw wonderful discussion going on around me during the “party”  and at the art pieces and at the greeting points. If you attended and liked it all you may be interested in getting more involved . If so contact Saffia ... with a notecard with your ideas or suggestions how to continue this in SL. This is a universal issue and an easy way to get involved. Thanks to Gentle Heron, a “volunteer”  as she calls herself,  the heart of Virtual Ability, took notes and allowed us to use the site for a meeting. 

 

Watch the blog for developments: http://onebillionrisingsl.wordpress.com/2013/02/26/after-one-billion-rising-in-second-life-what-next/

 

Gemma Cleanslate

Interview With Wrestler Honey Bluntz

By Charlotte Williams

In the latest of her Second Life wrestling interviews, Charlotte Williams interviews Honey Bluntz.

Charlotte Williams: So for starters, who is Honey Bluntz? Tell us about her, where she came from etc

Honey Bluntz: "This is an easy one. Everyone knows by now, and if you don't.. SURPRISE!!! That I'm an alt of Vendetta   The idea of the Honey Bluntz character came from a few different inspirations. She is more or less a mix of Real Life Wrestlers Daizee Haze, Sexy Star with the wrestling style of Ruckus. Although I have added quite a few things to her to make her different and unique."

Charlotte Williams: "What would be those things?

Honey Bluntz: "Mostly in style and personality. I consider myself a 'Grounded High Flyer.' Just meaning that most of my aerial manouvers are done from a grounded position. Lots of rolls and cartwheels and flips, like a mix of Capeoira and gymnastics with a lot of wrestling fundamentals.

Charlotte Williams: (smiles) "Sounds like a very exciting and electrifying thing to watch!"
Honey Bluntz: "Thank you! I try to put on a good show for everyone."

Charlotte Williams: (nods) "You're welcome, and having been to a fair few HAWX shows, I must say that I agree!"

"Something you touched on, uniqueness in SL wrestling, do you believe its at all possible?"
Honey Bluntz: "Oh Most definitely. I mean like every "gimmick" imaginable has been done in one way or another, but its the finding a way to do it that makes it your own, so when people see it with someone else they think of YOU instantly. At least that is the goal most of us try to accomplish."

Charlotte Williams: (smiles) "And in the world of SL wrestling, who do you think actually pulls that off, being unique, and how do they do it? And feel free to name as many names as you like."
Honey Bluntz: "I could name probably 50 people who do it and do it quite well on here but I'll just give you a couple names off the top of my head. Derrick Cult comes instantly to mind. His gimmick overall is very much like Stone Cold Steve Austin, Texas... Roughneck. But that is about where the similarities end. Stone Cold was was always a Heel type character in the way he acted but yet was always a 'face' to the fans. Derrick has been even better as a heel then as a face, and people hate his character but love him out of character. Then there is people like Jenn Parkin and Vendetta who both are very much like MsChif and Daffney in the way they go about it, yet both are completely different from each other. You'd never mix up one for the other. Jenn is more Grungy Punk where Ven is more Flashy Punk."

 

Charlotte Williams: (nods) "You know I think I have only seen Derrick wrestle once? Although he has been a fixture at many of the shows, supporting his peers with his 'Big Baby' phrase!" (You'll need to meet Derrick to know what I am talking about!)

 

"Vendetta being your alt of course?"
Honey Bluntz: "Yes, well, me being Her Alt"

Charlotte Williams: (laughs) "Well all these alts gets confusing sometimes!"

Honey Bluntz: (laughs) "Yeah I just use them as different characters... just like if would play on SVR or whatever.... Its fun playing different characters"

 

Charlotte Williams: (nods) "I completely understand, that is the beauty of SL!"

Honey Bluntz: (nods) "Something that would be hard to accomplish in real life"
Charlotte Williams: "Now there has been some debate in regards to RL wrestlers being SL wrestlers and what they bring to the community. There are only a few of you, so from your background, what do you believe you have brought to the SL wrestling community from your RL wrestling?"

Honey Bluntz: "Well wrestling skill, and by that I mean that actual doing of the moves themselves, you can toss right out the window here. I can do probably do 400 more things on here that I could never do real life, and probably vice versa as well. For me what it comes down to is love of the show. My real life experience has showed me how stuff works backstage and like how to make the matches help tell your overall story. A lot of people don't even need the real life background to that. But it does help make it easier, especially when running a Fed of your own."
Charlotte Williams: "Speaking of running a fed, how did the creation of HAWX come about? Obviously it is unique being the only female wrestling fed on the grid. Was it a case of supply and demand?"
Honey Bluntz: "Well it started out as something I've wanted to do in SL since I first came here. But when I first came here, I couldn't find wresting at all other then the poseballs so I kinda got away from that and went and did my own thing for over a year. Then I found the ACPWS system for wrestlling which led to me meeting Jenn which led to me Joining HKWF, which then merged with XWA then finally became VWE. HAWX or HAW (Hot A*s Wrestling) as it was known back then was an attempt to mix the poseball with the ACPWS. It didn't really work out too well though and me and my then partner, Carol, split up, her doing the poseball route and me focusing in the ACPWS route. After a couple months in the then XWA, I wanted to try it again now that I knew a little something about the SL version of Wrestling and I figured, why not make an all girls fed, since at the time, the girls were looked at more as the "sideshow" then the main show. Then it just juggernauted from there."
"So how long ago was it that HAWX was first created?"
Honey Bluntz: "Our first show was Jan. 9th, 2010 so just over 3 full years now."

Charlotte Williams: (smiles) "Wow, that IS a long time in SL, and SL wrestling, thats for sure!"

Honey Bluntz: "We decided to do something kinda unprecedented at the time and that was to have our first show be a FPV."
Charlotte Williams: "In terms of SL wrestling, is there anything that you haven't done, that you'd like to do?"
Honey Bluntz: "Hmmmm, that is a toughy! After being here close to 4 years total there is not too much I have'nt done, but there are ALOT of people I'd love to work with!"

Charlotte Williams: (looks at you seriously) "Go on, name some names! They may be reading this!"
Honey Bluntz: (smiles) "Storyline-wise I'd love to work with Lily and Isabelle Martinez, Horses Morrisey, Maxine, Lee as well as a lot of the up and comers like Rosalind, Ms A. Rae, and others."

Charlotte Williams:  (smiles) "Quite a varied bunch there. What about the guys? If you had an intergender match, who would you like to face?"
Honey Bluntz: "Oh wow! that list is probably even longer. Storylines would have to be a little different though than actually wrestling against them directly. Not that us girls can't keep up, But intergender storylines that involve wrestling can be a slippery slope. But I'd love to work with Curt Bombastic, Derrick Cult, Derrick Zane, Acheron Nightfire, Bryce Ketterley, Drewski Hoxley, and the list goes on and on!"
Charlotte Williams: (laughs) "That is also quite a varied bunch of wrestlers. Maybe one day we'll see one of those up against you!"
Honey Bluntz: "In a single match that has little or no storyline bearing then Inter-gender matches are defiantly warranted! But its hard to do a direct wrestling related storyline between a guy and a girl cause no matter what happens the guy comes out looking bad in the end. If he "wins" the storyline, no one is shocked that a 300+ lb guy beat a 150- lb girl. He comes off as a bully. But if the girl wins the storyline, the guy comes off as looking weak in the future cause when he faces someone for a big title belt all people will think about is how he couldn't even beat a girl, how is he to stand a chance against the champ??!"

Charlotte Williams: (laughs) "Yes that is very true. However, you'd think that in this day and age, and given that some of the RL wrestlers have done it, there is not such a stigma attached to a male wrestler being beaten by a female wrestler. However, it may be something that will require a lot of thought behind it, and quite a storyline!"
Honey Bluntz: "Well  a lot of it depends on the female wrestler as well. If ya have someone like Chyna or like Awesome Kong aka Karma, then yeah. But putting someone like Brock Lesnar against like Eve.... no one in their right might would possibly believe it That being said there are tons of not directly wrestling storylines that could definitly be told between a guy and a girl."
Charlotte Williams: (nods) "It was like you said earlier, so many times the girls are just used as ornaments to show up and flash their goodies for the males to ogle at, and then they can go"
Honey Bluntz: "I agree and I think a girl winning over a guy is more then possible, especially in this day and age. But doing a storyline with them would be a lot harder to sell. Not saying it couldn't be done if done right though! Like the tag belts at VWE... JHG had them, we did a nice little run with them as well and faced quite a few guy opponents and even had a lead-in storyline that went into the FPV"

Charlotte Williams: (smiles and nods) "Is there a storyline you'd like to see, involving any wrestlers, or one that is currently going on that you are particularly enjoying?"

 

Honey Bluntz: "I Like Derrick Cults current storyline with Rubie as his manager a lot. But this is the time of year just after most feds have just had their major FPVs so most of them are just starting out. We'll just have to wait and see what the next cycle brings. But as far as ones I'd love to see, I'd love to see some inter fed storylines take place. Would love to see like Benja against like Voodoo for one."

Charlotte Williams: "I do know that you are someone that doesn't like to get involved in the 'drama' in the SL wrestling community, however, given that it has been a bit of a fresh topic of late with feds closing, people resigning, what is your take on it? Do you think the community can survive and grow stronger?"
Honey Bluntz: "It is just like real life wrestling in that respect. Feds feuding and getting along, People getting fired from one play and start wrestling at another. Just a natural part of the 'Business.' Drama was always been a part of wrestling and always will be. Both on "stage" and behind the scenes.

Charlotte Williams: (nods) "Thats a good answer, I like it."

Honey Bluntz:  But f everyone got along nicely, it would be boring to be quite honest. The tention is good for wrestling to a certain degree *Winks and Giggles*

Charlotte Williams:  "I think its hard for everyone to get along, we are all different personalities coming together in really a small place. Like you said, it would be boring."

Honey Bluntz:  Yup! Just gotta walk that fine line of too much or not enough *Smiles*
Charlotte Williams:  Speaking of too much or not enough, obviously one can't spend ALL their time wrestling or being involved in wrestling, so what do you like to do in your down-time? A little birdy told me you have an interest in some kind of memorabilia, is that true?
Honey Bluntz: "I do love World War 2 Aviation. That is one thing I've always loved on SL especially. To tell you the truth other then the planes themselves, I really didn't know much at all about WW2 til I joined the Flying Tigers. Now I could probably debate any historian on the subject!," Honey Bluntz laughs. "But besides that I love to do a lot of things. Roleplaying is always fun. Pirate ship battles I've come to love even more then plane ones."

Charlotte Williams: "Have you debated Derrick Zane? I'm sure he'd be a worthy candidate!"
Honey Bluntz: "That actually brings up a funny story that ties in WW2 and wrestling...."

Charlotte Williams: "Oh do tell..."

Honey Bluntz: "It was actually Derrick's initial idea to not tell anyone but have like a storyline that involves several wrestlers that actually takes you through WW2.  Like have the German guy attack the Polish guy and the British guy start a feud with him. Then the "All American" guy, doesn't want to get involved till the German guy's side-kick, a Japanese guy, sneak attacks the American guy. Of course the Russian guy comes in at some point but the American guy makes an uneasy alignment with him to bring down the German Guy. Then afterwards have the American guy and Russian guy feud. We actually went really deeply into it involving other countries and the parts they'd play in it."

Charlotte Williams: "Wow, that sounds fantastic. And did it actually happen at a show?"

Honey Bluntz: "Be an interesting History lesson to say the least. No it never came into being. But how awesome would that have been?"

Charlotte Williams: "It sounds amazing, its a shame that it didn't eventuate. Maybe one day..?"

Honey Bluntz: "Yeah who knows? It could definitely happen!"

Charlotte Williams: "You mentioned before about being interested in various RPs when you aren't wrestling, a lot of wrestlers seem to also be into RP, do you think that it helps with character and storyline development?"

Honey Bluntz: "Definitely!! At least up to a point. They are both really about the same thing, telling a story as you go along and not knowing the ending until you get there. RP, Wrestling, Acting, all the same thing really, just with different vehicles to present it."

Charlotte Williams: "Yes, as the saying goes, 'All the world's a stage, all all the men and women merely players', or in this case, wrestlers"

Honey Bluntz: "Exactly"

Charlotte Williams: "Thank you for your time today Honey, is there anything else you would like to tell the readers of SL Newser about yourself or SL Wrestling?

Honey Bluntz: "Just that I'm always up to have fun on here. If its not fun to do you need to find something else to do that is fun for you and not try to bring anyone down!"

Charlotte Williams: (smile) "Awesome, awesome attitude Honey"

"What are the days and times our readers can catch you in action here at HAWX?"

"HAWX Scorn is Sundays at 2PM SLT and Indulgence is Thursdays at 6PM SLT! But visit all the feds if you can and help support us all!! There are group notifiers located at most of the feds around SL in which you can get a list of showtimes and be notified when they are coming up without taking up a bunch of group spaces!"

Charlotte Williams: (smile) "Thanks again Honey, that is excellent. Plenty of shows on the grid, but only at HAWX will you catch only the ladies in action!"

Honey Bluntz: (smile) "You're most welcome! You are a delightful interviewer!"

 

To find HAWX in SL, go to: http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Slam%20City/128/128/23

 

Charlotte Williams

Ask DrFran: Grief Caused By Grief

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran:

I am writing to you because someone suggested that I do so before I decide to close out my account. I am completely disgusted with Second Life, but others have convinced me to give it another try. Several incidents have happened that have me very, very upset. I am only in Second Life a month, and I have heard that most folks leave over the things I am about to talk about. I don’t want to be another of those people. Really, I don’t. I came here because I wanted to learn to build and to meet people, especially females for romance and having fun.

The first incident came when I was on one of the sandboxes over by the Ivory Tower of Primitives. I was minding my own business when all of a sudden I was surrounded by pictures flying through the air that were so graphic and pornographic that I can’t even name what I saw here. I am a young guy and hardly a prude, but this stuff was truly over-the-top. I stood there helpless, and suddenly the “attack” stopped. I found out from other folks at the sandbox that this was a grief attack, and that they were relatively frequent in sandboxes. People there were laughing about it, and one of them said he had been the one who had ARed the griefer. I found out that AR meant Abuse Report. I was not prepared for my reaction to all of this. The person behind the keyboard became a little tearful and a lot fearful. I was ashamed to share this with others at the sandbox, so I teleported out, and spent some time at a class at Builder’s Brewery. I seemed to be safe there, but I still felt uncomfortable.

The second incident took place at a nightclub that is very well known and well attended. I was dancing with a lovely lady in a gorgeous red satin gown. She had to show me how to use the dance balls, but once I mastered that she IMed me and we had a lovely private chat. We seemed to have many things in common, and chatted away happily. After an hour she said that she felt like leaving, and did I want to come with her. I consented happily, and she told me she would send a teleport to me once she got home. When the request came, I clicked on Teleport as she had instructed me, and when the scene came into view I was in what looked like a dungeon, and I was behind bars. The lady in red was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly she showed up dressed like a dominatrix, and told me she was now my master. I was stunned but really didn’t understand what was going on. DrFran, to be honest she looked so hot in that outfit that I probably wasn’t thinking straight. She told me she was giving me something and I would have to click Accept on a box to take it into inventory. I clicked and saw an object named Collar, in my inventory.

Now, I can imagine you thinking: “What a dunce!” as you read this, but I was only a newbie in Second Life, and had no idea what was going on. The lady in red—now in black spandex, told me to right click on the Collar in my inventory, and select Wear from the dropdown menu. I did that and suddenly had a big spiked collar around my avatar’s neck. Then she told me to click on Yes, when the box prompted. All at once I found I couldn’t move, and the lady brought out some balls like the ones in the nightclub, only when she used them she ended up doing horrid things to me. I had to watch powerless, and I couldn’t seem to remove the collar, even if I knew how to do it. I was even fully clothed! This was not sex, mind you, it was horribly cruel things, and she had a knife in her hand that seemed to spew fake blood. Of course I wasn’t hurt physically, but this upset me even more than the attack in the sandbox.

What can I do about these things? As I said, I don’t want to give up Second Life. I am sure there are good things out there as well. Thanks for your help. 

Grieved.

Dear Grieved, I can see from the terms you use in talking about yourself that you don’t feel all that good about yourself, so I don’t want to add to that. However, I really had to wonder if this is a real letter, or if you are pulling DrFran’s leg? Really? You couldn’t figure out how to get out of these situations?

Just for the heck of it, I will assume you are telling me the truth. I am not going to address the mechanics of your problems except to say: Log out !!!! No one is in an inescapable situation in Second Life. My first week in world someone bumped me off a high platform on purpose. At first I was upset, but then I realized that they were probably a kid who figured they could do whatever they wanted in SL. I have learned to avoid places where the jerks hang out: Welcome areas, sandboxes, places that are just about sex, etc.

That said, I can see that you want to use Second Life to make friends, and maybe to improve your social skills and ability to make and keep relationships. You seem sensitive about the things that happen to you. The real task for you is not to figure out how to not get caged physically, but how to not get caged emotionally. It may be time for you to work on loosening up.

I have said this before in this column and I will say it again: If you do what you really like in Second Life, the friends and activities will follow. So, Grieved, what are you into? Want to meet women? Try going to nightclubs where the hosts are watching out for things. Don’t take a teleport from someone you hardly know. Instead, spend more time chatting and getting to know someone. I have never spent more than a few minutes with someone who seems to have interests that are different from mine especially if they annoy me.

Most important of all: Wear Second Life like a loose garment. I know that it is very real, and I am a real person behind my young and pretty avatar. I have real feelings, and have had some intense emotional pain in Second Life. Yet, I don’t forget that without all the pieces of the puzzle together, the touch and the smell and the day-to-day life with other people, Second Life remains a fantasy on some levels, and I can turn that fantasy off by clicking the quit button on my computer

Please let me know that you have stayed, and that you are starting to appreciate the great things Second Life can offer us all. 

Yours, 

DrFran

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you.

DrFran Babcock

The ZeroG Skydancers – Staying Power for a Reason

By DrFran Babcock

Namedrops

I was minding my own business, just listening to Crap Mariner read 100 Word Stories. It was nice that Lauren Weyland had shown up because she has been so busy in First Life that she’s not been around much. I could hardly keep from jumping up and down when she Instant Messaged me and asked me if I wanted to go see the Skydancers after Crap was done. I remembered reading about the ZeroG SkyDancers back in 2006 on Hamlet Au’s blog: New World Notes (http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2006/12/your_tube_your_.html ), but had never had the fortune to score a ticket to one of their events. She told me that I had to have a ticket to be admitted, but she was speaking to the staff, and one would be sent my way. The notecard ticket arrived, along with a HUD, and some instructions on setting my viewer to midnight and draw distance to 512 meters.

DanCoyote Antonelli

After a short stop at Curio to look at skins (that Lauren!), we teleported into the Linden Endowment of the Arts sim that currently houses the SkyDancers. Without a ticket you cannot get into the sim. We were cordially greeted, and took seats. The HUD is a bit of a job to attach to your screen, but once that was accomplished, Lauren and I chatted happily with the assembled audience, which (no more name-dropping) contained some of Second Life’s luminaries.

DanCoyote is an imposing figure, all black with a huge Mohawk. He spoke to us in voice about what to expect, and briefed us on the story we were about to see unfold before us on the 3000 meter stage. DanCoyote has been performing in Second Life with the SkyDancers since 2006, and while these performances have often been covered, they bear repeating. Mr. Antonelli has coined the term “hyperformalisn” to describe the art he makes. His definition is long and very intellectual and philosophical. My definition of this immersive, artistic expression is: “Wow!”

The Story

The stories presented change over the years, and for this show DanCoyote introduced us to a world in which the colorful Sufollo, beings of another world, peacefully play in complete joy and freedom. Their whole world changes when the horrible Gopus Bülie—red, spiney and growling—enters their world and tears them apart. The only hope for the Sufullo is Hereau, a Sufollo who is changed to fight the Gopus Bülie. I won’t have to give you a spoiler here, because the show ends differently each time, and like a Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is completely affected by the audience observing the performance.

The Show

There is no adequate replacement for being at the show. Immersed in the slow dance of the Sufullo, I melted into the kaleidoscope of colors that passed before me. The music, specially written for the show by Josh Zamo, was ethereal and evocative; a perfect complement to the floaty Sufullo. The intensity of the look, the feel, the multi-sensory experience was enough for me to forget I was staring at a computer screen. I don’t want to ruin if for you, if you can get tickets, so I won’t tell you more of the story.

The Players

The stars of the ZeroG Skydance are the dancers who commit many hours to the practice of their flying and dance moves Kudos go to: Anhinga Chaika, Tatiana Kurri, Angelique Menoptra, Buffy Beale, Pielady Smalls, Talulah Bancroft, Wytchwhisper Sadofsky, Juji Kumsung, Neena Botanical and Dot Pellazi for their aerial skills, and to DC Spensley for the out-of-this-world costumes. The sets were constructed by Selavy Oh and Oberon Onmura.

How To See The Show

I cannot recommend this endeavor more. Second Life has always been to me a place where individuals and groups can create the world they want to live in. The grand experiment comes to fruition when I witness the ZeroG Skydancers, and know the work and passion that went into this production. Come early, chat with the audience, and get ready to immerse yourself in the world of the innocent Sufollo. Thanks, Lauren for sharing this experience with me.

Seats are limited for the Wednesday evening at 6:45PM, Second Life time shows. You can contact SkyBank Alter in Second Life by Instant Message or via email at skybank@dancoyote.com, noting the date you wish to attend and how many seats you would like to reserve.  

DrFran Babcock

Ask DrFran: "The Roles We Play"

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran: 

I am writing to you out of frustration with my relationship here in Second Life. Alfie and I have been a couple here for over two years, and during this time we have built a strong night club business, and a small real estate holding company, renting shops to people who want to be near a prosperous night club. We make enough money doing this to pay the tier on the two sims we own together.

Lately, though, what’s been happening is that I log in and Alfie tells me that he’s busy with a customer. So, I set up the deejays, send out the announcements for the events, greet folks, keep the chatter going, audition and hire acts, and even clean the sims of prims left behind by visitors. I handle all the rental properties and take care of any issues my customers may have. What began as a fun partnership is becoming a full-time, busy job for me. 


The final touch was the other night while there were 26 people in the club, dancing and having a good time. I was in private chats with the deejay working on the stream, a friend of mine who rents a dress shop on one of our sims, and a newbie in the club who was having trouble figuring out how to make the dance ball work for him.  All of this was taking place at the same time that I was in open chat joking and laughing with the crowd, and setting up the board for the evening’s Best in Formal contest. Alfie logged in, and I immediately IMed him asking for help. He told me he would be there in a few minutes, but he never showed up, and logged out about an hour after logging in.

The following day, furious, I emailed him with a request to speak with him for a bit. A day later he responded to my mail, and showed up in world that evening. Now, DrFran, I am not stupid, and I tend to assess situations by what people do, and not by what they say. Therefore, I had already guessed that Alfie was not interested in continuing to be my partner, but I was not prepared for his response. After I calmly detailed to him the extent of the work I had done, and requested that he help me with some of this, he became sullen and wanted to know why I was picking on him and trying to control him. I was shocked.


From that day until today I have been doing most of the work for our two sims. Alfie is usually online playing in one of he weapons sandboxes or spending a lot of Lindens on Zyngo and things. If I so much as ask him to be present for an event he starts to whine, and logs out.


What can I do to get him to pull his weight in our business, and what can I do to show him that I care? 

Signed: Disappointed.

Dear Disappointed: The situation about which you write is a very common one. In the beginning you were so enamored of each other that it was hard to see anything but good. As time goes on in relationships they pass from this euphoric state to the day-to-day realities of life. This is especially true for working partners.

What has happened is this: People will hate me, but in most cases, we become one of our parents and connect with someone who is like our other parent (provided we had two parents). So, if one parent was responsible and the other one wasn’t that is the roles we adopt. Even worse, at times we become the responsible parent while our partner evolves into the bad little kid. I think this is what has happened in your case. You are juggling all the balls while Alfie is off playing. In addition, he may have begun to see you as the punishing parent, always ready to reprimand him. Unfortunately, once this happens to a relationship it is hard to recover your balance. Have you ever noticed, that no matter how much you have accomplished in your life, when you go home you become a little kid again?

Yes, I know this isn’t always the case, but the situation you describe sounds like Alfie sees you now as someone wagging a finger at him. Sadly, this is the death of desire. If you are able to negotiate a purely business relationship with this guy, with a contract that outlines each of your responsibilities, you might be able to salvage your sims. However, I don’t think you will get Alfie to see you in any other way than as a stern parent, and folks don’t generally feel attracted to their parents.

I am sorry this has happened, but DrFran has learned more from broken relationships. I make a lot of mistakes; I try not to make the same mistake over and over. I hope you can do something to make this the best outcome possible. Please write to me again. I want to hear how you made out, Disappointed.

DrFran Babcock

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you.