Interview With Wrestler Honey Bluntz

By Charlotte Williams

In the latest of her Second Life wrestling interviews, Charlotte Williams interviews Honey Bluntz.

Charlotte Williams: So for starters, who is Honey Bluntz? Tell us about her, where she came from etc

Honey Bluntz: "This is an easy one. Everyone knows by now, and if you don't.. SURPRISE!!! That I'm an alt of Vendetta   The idea of the Honey Bluntz character came from a few different inspirations. She is more or less a mix of Real Life Wrestlers Daizee Haze, Sexy Star with the wrestling style of Ruckus. Although I have added quite a few things to her to make her different and unique."

Charlotte Williams: "What would be those things?

Honey Bluntz: "Mostly in style and personality. I consider myself a 'Grounded High Flyer.' Just meaning that most of my aerial manouvers are done from a grounded position. Lots of rolls and cartwheels and flips, like a mix of Capeoira and gymnastics with a lot of wrestling fundamentals.

Charlotte Williams: (smiles) "Sounds like a very exciting and electrifying thing to watch!"
Honey Bluntz: "Thank you! I try to put on a good show for everyone."

Charlotte Williams: (nods) "You're welcome, and having been to a fair few HAWX shows, I must say that I agree!"

"Something you touched on, uniqueness in SL wrestling, do you believe its at all possible?"
Honey Bluntz: "Oh Most definitely. I mean like every "gimmick" imaginable has been done in one way or another, but its the finding a way to do it that makes it your own, so when people see it with someone else they think of YOU instantly. At least that is the goal most of us try to accomplish."

Charlotte Williams: (smiles) "And in the world of SL wrestling, who do you think actually pulls that off, being unique, and how do they do it? And feel free to name as many names as you like."
Honey Bluntz: "I could name probably 50 people who do it and do it quite well on here but I'll just give you a couple names off the top of my head. Derrick Cult comes instantly to mind. His gimmick overall is very much like Stone Cold Steve Austin, Texas... Roughneck. But that is about where the similarities end. Stone Cold was was always a Heel type character in the way he acted but yet was always a 'face' to the fans. Derrick has been even better as a heel then as a face, and people hate his character but love him out of character. Then there is people like Jenn Parkin and Vendetta who both are very much like MsChif and Daffney in the way they go about it, yet both are completely different from each other. You'd never mix up one for the other. Jenn is more Grungy Punk where Ven is more Flashy Punk."

 

Charlotte Williams: (nods) "You know I think I have only seen Derrick wrestle once? Although he has been a fixture at many of the shows, supporting his peers with his 'Big Baby' phrase!" (You'll need to meet Derrick to know what I am talking about!)

 

"Vendetta being your alt of course?"
Honey Bluntz: "Yes, well, me being Her Alt"

Charlotte Williams: (laughs) "Well all these alts gets confusing sometimes!"

Honey Bluntz: (laughs) "Yeah I just use them as different characters... just like if would play on SVR or whatever.... Its fun playing different characters"

 

Charlotte Williams: (nods) "I completely understand, that is the beauty of SL!"

Honey Bluntz: (nods) "Something that would be hard to accomplish in real life"
Charlotte Williams: "Now there has been some debate in regards to RL wrestlers being SL wrestlers and what they bring to the community. There are only a few of you, so from your background, what do you believe you have brought to the SL wrestling community from your RL wrestling?"

Honey Bluntz: "Well wrestling skill, and by that I mean that actual doing of the moves themselves, you can toss right out the window here. I can do probably do 400 more things on here that I could never do real life, and probably vice versa as well. For me what it comes down to is love of the show. My real life experience has showed me how stuff works backstage and like how to make the matches help tell your overall story. A lot of people don't even need the real life background to that. But it does help make it easier, especially when running a Fed of your own."
Charlotte Williams: "Speaking of running a fed, how did the creation of HAWX come about? Obviously it is unique being the only female wrestling fed on the grid. Was it a case of supply and demand?"
Honey Bluntz: "Well it started out as something I've wanted to do in SL since I first came here. But when I first came here, I couldn't find wresting at all other then the poseballs so I kinda got away from that and went and did my own thing for over a year. Then I found the ACPWS system for wrestlling which led to me meeting Jenn which led to me Joining HKWF, which then merged with XWA then finally became VWE. HAWX or HAW (Hot A*s Wrestling) as it was known back then was an attempt to mix the poseball with the ACPWS. It didn't really work out too well though and me and my then partner, Carol, split up, her doing the poseball route and me focusing in the ACPWS route. After a couple months in the then XWA, I wanted to try it again now that I knew a little something about the SL version of Wrestling and I figured, why not make an all girls fed, since at the time, the girls were looked at more as the "sideshow" then the main show. Then it just juggernauted from there."
"So how long ago was it that HAWX was first created?"
Honey Bluntz: "Our first show was Jan. 9th, 2010 so just over 3 full years now."

Charlotte Williams: (smiles) "Wow, that IS a long time in SL, and SL wrestling, thats for sure!"

Honey Bluntz: "We decided to do something kinda unprecedented at the time and that was to have our first show be a FPV."
Charlotte Williams: "In terms of SL wrestling, is there anything that you haven't done, that you'd like to do?"
Honey Bluntz: "Hmmmm, that is a toughy! After being here close to 4 years total there is not too much I have'nt done, but there are ALOT of people I'd love to work with!"

Charlotte Williams: (looks at you seriously) "Go on, name some names! They may be reading this!"
Honey Bluntz: (smiles) "Storyline-wise I'd love to work with Lily and Isabelle Martinez, Horses Morrisey, Maxine, Lee as well as a lot of the up and comers like Rosalind, Ms A. Rae, and others."

Charlotte Williams:  (smiles) "Quite a varied bunch there. What about the guys? If you had an intergender match, who would you like to face?"
Honey Bluntz: "Oh wow! that list is probably even longer. Storylines would have to be a little different though than actually wrestling against them directly. Not that us girls can't keep up, But intergender storylines that involve wrestling can be a slippery slope. But I'd love to work with Curt Bombastic, Derrick Cult, Derrick Zane, Acheron Nightfire, Bryce Ketterley, Drewski Hoxley, and the list goes on and on!"
Charlotte Williams: (laughs) "That is also quite a varied bunch of wrestlers. Maybe one day we'll see one of those up against you!"
Honey Bluntz: "In a single match that has little or no storyline bearing then Inter-gender matches are defiantly warranted! But its hard to do a direct wrestling related storyline between a guy and a girl cause no matter what happens the guy comes out looking bad in the end. If he "wins" the storyline, no one is shocked that a 300+ lb guy beat a 150- lb girl. He comes off as a bully. But if the girl wins the storyline, the guy comes off as looking weak in the future cause when he faces someone for a big title belt all people will think about is how he couldn't even beat a girl, how is he to stand a chance against the champ??!"

Charlotte Williams: (laughs) "Yes that is very true. However, you'd think that in this day and age, and given that some of the RL wrestlers have done it, there is not such a stigma attached to a male wrestler being beaten by a female wrestler. However, it may be something that will require a lot of thought behind it, and quite a storyline!"
Honey Bluntz: "Well  a lot of it depends on the female wrestler as well. If ya have someone like Chyna or like Awesome Kong aka Karma, then yeah. But putting someone like Brock Lesnar against like Eve.... no one in their right might would possibly believe it That being said there are tons of not directly wrestling storylines that could definitly be told between a guy and a girl."
Charlotte Williams: (nods) "It was like you said earlier, so many times the girls are just used as ornaments to show up and flash their goodies for the males to ogle at, and then they can go"
Honey Bluntz: "I agree and I think a girl winning over a guy is more then possible, especially in this day and age. But doing a storyline with them would be a lot harder to sell. Not saying it couldn't be done if done right though! Like the tag belts at VWE... JHG had them, we did a nice little run with them as well and faced quite a few guy opponents and even had a lead-in storyline that went into the FPV"

Charlotte Williams: (smiles and nods) "Is there a storyline you'd like to see, involving any wrestlers, or one that is currently going on that you are particularly enjoying?"

 

Honey Bluntz: "I Like Derrick Cults current storyline with Rubie as his manager a lot. But this is the time of year just after most feds have just had their major FPVs so most of them are just starting out. We'll just have to wait and see what the next cycle brings. But as far as ones I'd love to see, I'd love to see some inter fed storylines take place. Would love to see like Benja against like Voodoo for one."

Charlotte Williams: "I do know that you are someone that doesn't like to get involved in the 'drama' in the SL wrestling community, however, given that it has been a bit of a fresh topic of late with feds closing, people resigning, what is your take on it? Do you think the community can survive and grow stronger?"
Honey Bluntz: "It is just like real life wrestling in that respect. Feds feuding and getting along, People getting fired from one play and start wrestling at another. Just a natural part of the 'Business.' Drama was always been a part of wrestling and always will be. Both on "stage" and behind the scenes.

Charlotte Williams: (nods) "Thats a good answer, I like it."

Honey Bluntz:  But f everyone got along nicely, it would be boring to be quite honest. The tention is good for wrestling to a certain degree *Winks and Giggles*

Charlotte Williams:  "I think its hard for everyone to get along, we are all different personalities coming together in really a small place. Like you said, it would be boring."

Honey Bluntz:  Yup! Just gotta walk that fine line of too much or not enough *Smiles*
Charlotte Williams:  Speaking of too much or not enough, obviously one can't spend ALL their time wrestling or being involved in wrestling, so what do you like to do in your down-time? A little birdy told me you have an interest in some kind of memorabilia, is that true?
Honey Bluntz: "I do love World War 2 Aviation. That is one thing I've always loved on SL especially. To tell you the truth other then the planes themselves, I really didn't know much at all about WW2 til I joined the Flying Tigers. Now I could probably debate any historian on the subject!," Honey Bluntz laughs. "But besides that I love to do a lot of things. Roleplaying is always fun. Pirate ship battles I've come to love even more then plane ones."

Charlotte Williams: "Have you debated Derrick Zane? I'm sure he'd be a worthy candidate!"
Honey Bluntz: "That actually brings up a funny story that ties in WW2 and wrestling...."

Charlotte Williams: "Oh do tell..."

Honey Bluntz: "It was actually Derrick's initial idea to not tell anyone but have like a storyline that involves several wrestlers that actually takes you through WW2.  Like have the German guy attack the Polish guy and the British guy start a feud with him. Then the "All American" guy, doesn't want to get involved till the German guy's side-kick, a Japanese guy, sneak attacks the American guy. Of course the Russian guy comes in at some point but the American guy makes an uneasy alignment with him to bring down the German Guy. Then afterwards have the American guy and Russian guy feud. We actually went really deeply into it involving other countries and the parts they'd play in it."

Charlotte Williams: "Wow, that sounds fantastic. And did it actually happen at a show?"

Honey Bluntz: "Be an interesting History lesson to say the least. No it never came into being. But how awesome would that have been?"

Charlotte Williams: "It sounds amazing, its a shame that it didn't eventuate. Maybe one day..?"

Honey Bluntz: "Yeah who knows? It could definitely happen!"

Charlotte Williams: "You mentioned before about being interested in various RPs when you aren't wrestling, a lot of wrestlers seem to also be into RP, do you think that it helps with character and storyline development?"

Honey Bluntz: "Definitely!! At least up to a point. They are both really about the same thing, telling a story as you go along and not knowing the ending until you get there. RP, Wrestling, Acting, all the same thing really, just with different vehicles to present it."

Charlotte Williams: "Yes, as the saying goes, 'All the world's a stage, all all the men and women merely players', or in this case, wrestlers"

Honey Bluntz: "Exactly"

Charlotte Williams: "Thank you for your time today Honey, is there anything else you would like to tell the readers of SL Newser about yourself or SL Wrestling?

Honey Bluntz: "Just that I'm always up to have fun on here. If its not fun to do you need to find something else to do that is fun for you and not try to bring anyone down!"

Charlotte Williams: (smile) "Awesome, awesome attitude Honey"

"What are the days and times our readers can catch you in action here at HAWX?"

"HAWX Scorn is Sundays at 2PM SLT and Indulgence is Thursdays at 6PM SLT! But visit all the feds if you can and help support us all!! There are group notifiers located at most of the feds around SL in which you can get a list of showtimes and be notified when they are coming up without taking up a bunch of group spaces!"

Charlotte Williams: (smile) "Thanks again Honey, that is excellent. Plenty of shows on the grid, but only at HAWX will you catch only the ladies in action!"

Honey Bluntz: (smile) "You're most welcome! You are a delightful interviewer!"

 

To find HAWX in SL, go to: http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Slam%20City/128/128/23

 

Charlotte Williams

Ask DrFran: Grief Caused By Grief

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran:

I am writing to you because someone suggested that I do so before I decide to close out my account. I am completely disgusted with Second Life, but others have convinced me to give it another try. Several incidents have happened that have me very, very upset. I am only in Second Life a month, and I have heard that most folks leave over the things I am about to talk about. I don’t want to be another of those people. Really, I don’t. I came here because I wanted to learn to build and to meet people, especially females for romance and having fun.

The first incident came when I was on one of the sandboxes over by the Ivory Tower of Primitives. I was minding my own business when all of a sudden I was surrounded by pictures flying through the air that were so graphic and pornographic that I can’t even name what I saw here. I am a young guy and hardly a prude, but this stuff was truly over-the-top. I stood there helpless, and suddenly the “attack” stopped. I found out from other folks at the sandbox that this was a grief attack, and that they were relatively frequent in sandboxes. People there were laughing about it, and one of them said he had been the one who had ARed the griefer. I found out that AR meant Abuse Report. I was not prepared for my reaction to all of this. The person behind the keyboard became a little tearful and a lot fearful. I was ashamed to share this with others at the sandbox, so I teleported out, and spent some time at a class at Builder’s Brewery. I seemed to be safe there, but I still felt uncomfortable.

The second incident took place at a nightclub that is very well known and well attended. I was dancing with a lovely lady in a gorgeous red satin gown. She had to show me how to use the dance balls, but once I mastered that she IMed me and we had a lovely private chat. We seemed to have many things in common, and chatted away happily. After an hour she said that she felt like leaving, and did I want to come with her. I consented happily, and she told me she would send a teleport to me once she got home. When the request came, I clicked on Teleport as she had instructed me, and when the scene came into view I was in what looked like a dungeon, and I was behind bars. The lady in red was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly she showed up dressed like a dominatrix, and told me she was now my master. I was stunned but really didn’t understand what was going on. DrFran, to be honest she looked so hot in that outfit that I probably wasn’t thinking straight. She told me she was giving me something and I would have to click Accept on a box to take it into inventory. I clicked and saw an object named Collar, in my inventory.

Now, I can imagine you thinking: “What a dunce!” as you read this, but I was only a newbie in Second Life, and had no idea what was going on. The lady in red—now in black spandex, told me to right click on the Collar in my inventory, and select Wear from the dropdown menu. I did that and suddenly had a big spiked collar around my avatar’s neck. Then she told me to click on Yes, when the box prompted. All at once I found I couldn’t move, and the lady brought out some balls like the ones in the nightclub, only when she used them she ended up doing horrid things to me. I had to watch powerless, and I couldn’t seem to remove the collar, even if I knew how to do it. I was even fully clothed! This was not sex, mind you, it was horribly cruel things, and she had a knife in her hand that seemed to spew fake blood. Of course I wasn’t hurt physically, but this upset me even more than the attack in the sandbox.

What can I do about these things? As I said, I don’t want to give up Second Life. I am sure there are good things out there as well. Thanks for your help. 

Grieved.

Dear Grieved, I can see from the terms you use in talking about yourself that you don’t feel all that good about yourself, so I don’t want to add to that. However, I really had to wonder if this is a real letter, or if you are pulling DrFran’s leg? Really? You couldn’t figure out how to get out of these situations?

Just for the heck of it, I will assume you are telling me the truth. I am not going to address the mechanics of your problems except to say: Log out !!!! No one is in an inescapable situation in Second Life. My first week in world someone bumped me off a high platform on purpose. At first I was upset, but then I realized that they were probably a kid who figured they could do whatever they wanted in SL. I have learned to avoid places where the jerks hang out: Welcome areas, sandboxes, places that are just about sex, etc.

That said, I can see that you want to use Second Life to make friends, and maybe to improve your social skills and ability to make and keep relationships. You seem sensitive about the things that happen to you. The real task for you is not to figure out how to not get caged physically, but how to not get caged emotionally. It may be time for you to work on loosening up.

I have said this before in this column and I will say it again: If you do what you really like in Second Life, the friends and activities will follow. So, Grieved, what are you into? Want to meet women? Try going to nightclubs where the hosts are watching out for things. Don’t take a teleport from someone you hardly know. Instead, spend more time chatting and getting to know someone. I have never spent more than a few minutes with someone who seems to have interests that are different from mine especially if they annoy me.

Most important of all: Wear Second Life like a loose garment. I know that it is very real, and I am a real person behind my young and pretty avatar. I have real feelings, and have had some intense emotional pain in Second Life. Yet, I don’t forget that without all the pieces of the puzzle together, the touch and the smell and the day-to-day life with other people, Second Life remains a fantasy on some levels, and I can turn that fantasy off by clicking the quit button on my computer

Please let me know that you have stayed, and that you are starting to appreciate the great things Second Life can offer us all. 

Yours, 

DrFran

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you.

DrFran Babcock

The ZeroG Skydancers – Staying Power for a Reason

By DrFran Babcock

Namedrops

I was minding my own business, just listening to Crap Mariner read 100 Word Stories. It was nice that Lauren Weyland had shown up because she has been so busy in First Life that she’s not been around much. I could hardly keep from jumping up and down when she Instant Messaged me and asked me if I wanted to go see the Skydancers after Crap was done. I remembered reading about the ZeroG SkyDancers back in 2006 on Hamlet Au’s blog: New World Notes (http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2006/12/your_tube_your_.html ), but had never had the fortune to score a ticket to one of their events. She told me that I had to have a ticket to be admitted, but she was speaking to the staff, and one would be sent my way. The notecard ticket arrived, along with a HUD, and some instructions on setting my viewer to midnight and draw distance to 512 meters.

DanCoyote Antonelli

After a short stop at Curio to look at skins (that Lauren!), we teleported into the Linden Endowment of the Arts sim that currently houses the SkyDancers. Without a ticket you cannot get into the sim. We were cordially greeted, and took seats. The HUD is a bit of a job to attach to your screen, but once that was accomplished, Lauren and I chatted happily with the assembled audience, which (no more name-dropping) contained some of Second Life’s luminaries.

DanCoyote is an imposing figure, all black with a huge Mohawk. He spoke to us in voice about what to expect, and briefed us on the story we were about to see unfold before us on the 3000 meter stage. DanCoyote has been performing in Second Life with the SkyDancers since 2006, and while these performances have often been covered, they bear repeating. Mr. Antonelli has coined the term “hyperformalisn” to describe the art he makes. His definition is long and very intellectual and philosophical. My definition of this immersive, artistic expression is: “Wow!”

The Story

The stories presented change over the years, and for this show DanCoyote introduced us to a world in which the colorful Sufollo, beings of another world, peacefully play in complete joy and freedom. Their whole world changes when the horrible Gopus Bülie—red, spiney and growling—enters their world and tears them apart. The only hope for the Sufullo is Hereau, a Sufollo who is changed to fight the Gopus Bülie. I won’t have to give you a spoiler here, because the show ends differently each time, and like a Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is completely affected by the audience observing the performance.

The Show

There is no adequate replacement for being at the show. Immersed in the slow dance of the Sufullo, I melted into the kaleidoscope of colors that passed before me. The music, specially written for the show by Josh Zamo, was ethereal and evocative; a perfect complement to the floaty Sufullo. The intensity of the look, the feel, the multi-sensory experience was enough for me to forget I was staring at a computer screen. I don’t want to ruin if for you, if you can get tickets, so I won’t tell you more of the story.

The Players

The stars of the ZeroG Skydance are the dancers who commit many hours to the practice of their flying and dance moves Kudos go to: Anhinga Chaika, Tatiana Kurri, Angelique Menoptra, Buffy Beale, Pielady Smalls, Talulah Bancroft, Wytchwhisper Sadofsky, Juji Kumsung, Neena Botanical and Dot Pellazi for their aerial skills, and to DC Spensley for the out-of-this-world costumes. The sets were constructed by Selavy Oh and Oberon Onmura.

How To See The Show

I cannot recommend this endeavor more. Second Life has always been to me a place where individuals and groups can create the world they want to live in. The grand experiment comes to fruition when I witness the ZeroG Skydancers, and know the work and passion that went into this production. Come early, chat with the audience, and get ready to immerse yourself in the world of the innocent Sufollo. Thanks, Lauren for sharing this experience with me.

Seats are limited for the Wednesday evening at 6:45PM, Second Life time shows. You can contact SkyBank Alter in Second Life by Instant Message or via email at skybank@dancoyote.com, noting the date you wish to attend and how many seats you would like to reserve.  

DrFran Babcock

Ask DrFran: "The Roles We Play"

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran: 

I am writing to you out of frustration with my relationship here in Second Life. Alfie and I have been a couple here for over two years, and during this time we have built a strong night club business, and a small real estate holding company, renting shops to people who want to be near a prosperous night club. We make enough money doing this to pay the tier on the two sims we own together.

Lately, though, what’s been happening is that I log in and Alfie tells me that he’s busy with a customer. So, I set up the deejays, send out the announcements for the events, greet folks, keep the chatter going, audition and hire acts, and even clean the sims of prims left behind by visitors. I handle all the rental properties and take care of any issues my customers may have. What began as a fun partnership is becoming a full-time, busy job for me. 


The final touch was the other night while there were 26 people in the club, dancing and having a good time. I was in private chats with the deejay working on the stream, a friend of mine who rents a dress shop on one of our sims, and a newbie in the club who was having trouble figuring out how to make the dance ball work for him.  All of this was taking place at the same time that I was in open chat joking and laughing with the crowd, and setting up the board for the evening’s Best in Formal contest. Alfie logged in, and I immediately IMed him asking for help. He told me he would be there in a few minutes, but he never showed up, and logged out about an hour after logging in.

The following day, furious, I emailed him with a request to speak with him for a bit. A day later he responded to my mail, and showed up in world that evening. Now, DrFran, I am not stupid, and I tend to assess situations by what people do, and not by what they say. Therefore, I had already guessed that Alfie was not interested in continuing to be my partner, but I was not prepared for his response. After I calmly detailed to him the extent of the work I had done, and requested that he help me with some of this, he became sullen and wanted to know why I was picking on him and trying to control him. I was shocked.


From that day until today I have been doing most of the work for our two sims. Alfie is usually online playing in one of he weapons sandboxes or spending a lot of Lindens on Zyngo and things. If I so much as ask him to be present for an event he starts to whine, and logs out.


What can I do to get him to pull his weight in our business, and what can I do to show him that I care? 

Signed: Disappointed.

Dear Disappointed: The situation about which you write is a very common one. In the beginning you were so enamored of each other that it was hard to see anything but good. As time goes on in relationships they pass from this euphoric state to the day-to-day realities of life. This is especially true for working partners.

What has happened is this: People will hate me, but in most cases, we become one of our parents and connect with someone who is like our other parent (provided we had two parents). So, if one parent was responsible and the other one wasn’t that is the roles we adopt. Even worse, at times we become the responsible parent while our partner evolves into the bad little kid. I think this is what has happened in your case. You are juggling all the balls while Alfie is off playing. In addition, he may have begun to see you as the punishing parent, always ready to reprimand him. Unfortunately, once this happens to a relationship it is hard to recover your balance. Have you ever noticed, that no matter how much you have accomplished in your life, when you go home you become a little kid again?

Yes, I know this isn’t always the case, but the situation you describe sounds like Alfie sees you now as someone wagging a finger at him. Sadly, this is the death of desire. If you are able to negotiate a purely business relationship with this guy, with a contract that outlines each of your responsibilities, you might be able to salvage your sims. However, I don’t think you will get Alfie to see you in any other way than as a stern parent, and folks don’t generally feel attracted to their parents.

I am sorry this has happened, but DrFran has learned more from broken relationships. I make a lot of mistakes; I try not to make the same mistake over and over. I hope you can do something to make this the best outcome possible. Please write to me again. I want to hear how you made out, Disappointed.

DrFran Babcock

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you.

After the Redheads, Not One Team But Two

By Bixyl Shuftan

It was last week in which the Relay for Life team the "Passionate Redheads" officially disbanded. Although this move was expected by some in the group, the reaction was still sadness, even tears. One expressed that the Redheads were her introduction to the Relay For Life, and this move made her feel she was saying goodbye to a good friend.


A few days later, there was another announcement from  Redhead Co-Captain Dusk Griswold, whom felt there was a need for further explanations.


First off, this decision was not done lightly. I gave it a lot of thought ever since the end of last year's Relay, and after several months, my thought was it was time to start fresh.  Lom, Sabine, and I discussed things, and we were in full agreement that it was time for a change.

I do want to make it clear it was not any single event that lead to this decision. I don't feel it is the Redheads way to point fingers or place blame on anyone, and I will not do that. I will say that several events from last year contributed to the decision, but was not the only factor.  A big factor is just plain burnout. There is a lot that goes on behind the scenes, and I know Sabine was seriously burned out. I am also burned out, to the point where I may not even join a team this year, although I will still be attending events and helping when needed. 

Even before the decision to disband, there was some talk among some about a new team. And on Friday Jan 25th came an announcement from the Sunweaver community, of whom many of their numbers were part of the Relay team. Rita Mariner, the community's leader, would be forming a new team to take the place of the Redheads.


Sunnies:  For those of you who know what the Relay For Life is, It's the International Fight Against Cancer.  We Relay once a Year to raise money to continue the fight.  Anyways, the Passionate Redheads Team has disbanded, so I have started up a new team, the Sunbeamers, to replace it.  If you are an old Passionate Redheads member and want to join the new team, welcome.  New member, join up?  Contact me.


Rita Mariner wasn't alone in planning a new team. The following day, there was an announcement from Redhead Co-Captain Lomgren Smalls.

I know Rita has already announced her new RFL team following the retirement of the Redheads, but I have also been planning on captaining a new team this year.  That's what happens when we don't talk about our plans, heh.

I am planning on calling the team "Micro Madness," and everyone is welcome to join, micro or not, human or furry/etc.  If you have already joined Rita's team, that's great, and I'm not intending this to be a competition about which team is better.  Let's fight cancer TOGETHER!


These wouldn't be the only two teams to come from the Passionate Redheads. In 2011, a number walked off and formed a team of their own, the "Inspired Dream Walkers." In a 2011 interview, then Co-Captain Daaneth Kivioq commented they thought the team had become too large.

Dusk commented in the second part of her announcement that in her opinion, it didn't matter whom was on what Relay team, as long as they were in the Relay.


... I feel that the RFL and the teams are really about people, not the teams. It doesn't really matter what you call yourselves, we are all in the same fight, and I do hope everyone will still keep fighting. We had a great run, and have a lot to be proud of.  I don't see this as quitting or giving up, but rather a chance to renew and start fresh. It's always been a personal belief that even good things eventually come to an end, but I also feel when one door is closed, another opens. I don't know what the future will bring for us, but I am excited about it, I am looking at this as a chance to move on and do great things.

As long as we Relay and fight cancer with passion, the spirit of the Redheads will live on. Let's never forget that passion, and why we do this. It has been a great honor to have you all on the same team, and I look forward to working with you  again as we keep fighting the good fight.


And so, the former Redheads are starting to adjust to going to the Relay without the banner they'd Relayed under, for some the only one they knew. With the Kickoff still a month and a half away, much can still happen. But what is certain is the struggle to fight cancer goes on, and the former Redheads will be going ahead with the Relay.

The Second Life Newspaper office makes it's home in the HV Community sim, next to the Sunweaver sims.

Bixyl Shuftan

Ask DrFran: Caught Between Two Worlds

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran: I have a feeling what I am going to tell you is not uncommon, but I haven’t seen it yet in your column so I thought I would bring it up.

I am a long time Second Life resident, and I joined originally because my kids are grown, my husband works long hours, and I don’t really enjoy the stuff that other women my age are into in their daily lives. Sharing recipes and talking about clothes is just not as exciting to me as building castles and raising Lindens for the American Cancer Society. My creativity is expressed in the things I make here, and although I have usually given them away for free, or donated them for charity events, I am fulfilled by what I do.

My question for you begins during last year’s Relay for Life events, when a newcomer joined our old and established team for the first time. His avatar was a very handsome male, and he almost always wore suits, and took pains with his appearance. His building and scripting skills added a dimension to our team camp that really struck a high note for the team. As one of the main landscapers and vendor monitors for the team we were together often while planning out and working on things. We chatted amiably for a few weeks, neither of us revealing any personal information—until we started to share. That was when I noticed I was starting to have feelings for him. For the first time I didn’t feel sorry for myself that my husband, a surgeon, was rarely around. Max, as I will call him, was a professional (keeping some details vague here), and lived in another continent from me.  I kept our conversation light, despite my growing sense of intimacy, and worked hard not to let him know I was falling for him.

A few days before Relay opened officially, we were at one of the many pre-RFL parties, and he asked me to dance. While we were dancing, he asked me in I had voice, and for the first time we chatted in voice while we danced. I had never been so entranced, or so engaged in Second Life. I still tried not to let on about my feelings for him. His English was flawless, but his slight accent was a thrill to me. We talked and talked, and before I knew it my husband was home, so I logged.

From then on, no matter what we were doing, building, at a meeting, planning to run Relay, etc., we were in voice, talking and talking. He started to make statements related to having me come to visit him. I still had no idea what he looked like, nor did he know what I looked like. That didn’t seem to matter, because our friendship had been built on talking and sharing, and that seemed to get more intense and revealing each day. Finally, in what by this time was no surprise, he told me that he cared about me as more than just a friend. My heart literally leapt out of my chest, and out of my mouth poured all the things I had been holding inside. We were like two kids jumping up and down with joy. To this day it’s the highlight of my emotional life.

From that day on, Max and I have been inseparable. We have shared everything about our stories, our lives, and all our little secrets. He wanted me to come to his continent to visit. We now knew what each other looked like, and we were even more in love. When I had to log out I would feel empty and alone. I was happy that my husband was never around.

Finally, I decided to go visit Max for a week when my husband left for two weeks for a medical conference in Houston. I knew he would never know I was gone, because he rarely calls, and with my cell phone it would not matter.

Suffice it to say that Max and I hit it off better than I even imagined. I went home to my husband, dejected and missing Max. Since then Max has been begging me to come back and live with him. Now, Max not a rich man, like my husband, but I love him. I am so tormented. Should I leave my husband for this man, Max?  Undecided

Dear Undecided: I wonder why you have written to me, when it seems that you have already made up your mind? That said, I do have opinions, my opinions, on the subject of infidelity, love, and choices.

I am not a fan of infidelity. I understand just how easy it is to be attracted to someone other than the person with whom you are married, but it speaks to a lack of commitment and integrity. However, I am not judging. It does seem as if Max is way more attentive than your husband, who seems most like a good provider, and nothing more.

True love is something that is very rare to find. In Second Life we often form very close and intimate relationships, because lacking the visuals, we have to communicate verbally. We can’t fall into bed with someone and develop the relationship after (note: We can virtually, but that is a different thing. ).
By the way, you didn’t say whether or not you slept with Max when you visited, but that would serve to make the relationship stronger. Did you know that lovemaking releases chemicals that make women desire their man even more strongly? (How Oxytocin Works )

Let me address the question of making decisions, as that will remove me from my obvious bias about fidelity. Undecided, there is a somewhat objective way to decide what to do. Make a list of the pros and cons of each decision. Do not do this in your head, but put it on paper, so you can see it in black and white. Often, this simple task, when completed honestly, can give you the answer you seek.

I wish you luck in your decision, whatever it is. Please keep us posted here about what happens.  Thanks,

DrFran

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you.

Ask DrFran: DrFran’s Soapbox

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran: 

This is a bit sensitive, so I hope you will hear me out. I was abused repeatedly as a child, and didn’t have much of a chance to enjoy just being a kid. As a result, I grew into a very serious adult with a strong need to control my surroundings, so I can feel in control of my emotions. That’s pretty good insight, in my opinion, and it’s helped me to survive all these years. The thing that really helped me, though, was coming into Second Life and becoming a child here. As a Second Life child, I can have all of the fun that was denied me when I was growing up. I go to camp, school, participate in Relay for Life activities, build, and a whole bunch of other silly, and out of control things I could never seem to do in First Life. The realism of the role play is impressive. We even have read. I have grown and flourished here, becoming popular with the other kids, and I have even been able to move some of this to my day-to-day life.  

I spend all of my time in Second Life with other child play avatars, and never stray far from my group. We are all friends, and many of us have even met up in First Life. I am telling you all this as background for what I am about to tell you. I have a distrust of grown up avatars, and except for the teachers and camp counselors, I usually stay away from all adults. I can be found usually on General sims, and have avoided events and activities that might place me in proximity with mature sims.

That said, and shaking as I write this, and I am pretty sure you know where this is going. Two weeks ago, after school, one of the adult teachers, whom I will call Mr. Fred, asked me to stay after math class so that he could show me how to solve a homework problem that I really didn’t understand. I was a little nervous, but figured the school could only have trusted teachers.

Within moments of the rest of the class leaving, he rezzed a set of pose balls and asked me to climb on the pink one. He told me: “This is so we can sit and talk about the homework.” I didn’t believe him, but I felt helpless to protest—that’s a problem I have because of the abuse I have suffered. People can boss me around easily. That’s one of the reasons I avoid adult avatars. When I got on the pose ball, I immediately began to gyrate in a sexual way. I was completely freaked out. I hopped off the ball and teleported back home, and logged out. I have not told a soul about this, and it happened about two weeks ago. When my First Life abuse was going on my abuser, a neighbor, used to tell me that if I told anyone what we were doing that he would hurt my parents. I guess I am conditioned to keep silent, but I worry that Mr. Fred will try this with other child play avatars, and most of the ones I know have also suffered from child abuse.

Since that day I have not logged in much, I feel a return of some of the horrid symptoms that used to haunt me before I found Second Life. What can I do?

Sign me: Abused.

Dear Abused: I am so sorry for all of the horrid things that were done to you. Children are not meant to be objects of pleasure for sick people. Pedophiles abound, and this is the topic to which I have the strongest, angriest, and frustrated response. The world has yet to awaken to the epidemic proportions of child abuse, and things will not improve until they do.

I know that you will not be pleased to hear this, but you MUST Abuse Report (AR) this individual. This behavior is bound to continue unless you report him. I am sure this avatar worked a long time on building the trust of the school administration in order to get into the role of a trusted instructor. If he is stopped, he will surely create an alt to continue this behavior, but it will take time for him to establish the relationships he needs to continue with his behavior. Of course, this is conjecture. For all I know he (or she) is operating several avatars already.

It’s been a while (2008) since there has been a lot of talk about child play avatars in Second Life being used for pedophiliac role play. Marianne McCann ( http://marianne.secondlifekid.com ) and fellow advocates have gone a long way to demonstrate the actual purpose of child play for many individuals, and it is similar to what you expressed. The children of Second Life have a reputation for fun, charity and loyalty to each other that is enviable.

This is Second Life, not First Life, but I am a firm believer that the line between the two is wafer thin. You hurt my avatar, and the First Life DrFran is hurt. You are a pedophile in Second Life, and you probably are a pedophile in real life.

Please, please, please, Abused. Report this guy, because he will continue his behavior, and you will be doing the right thing, not the wrong thing. I appreciate fully how difficult it is to break out of the habit of protecting your perpetrator, that were wired into you as a child, but as a wise person said to me: If nothing changes; nothing changes. I hope you can find the courage to do report this individual, and I hope you can find a way back to your friends and family in Second Life.

DrFran

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you.

Ask DrFran: It’s a Big Grid

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran: 

My rez date is from 2006, but I left Second Life soon after I came in, and didn’t return until recently. I am amazed at how much has changed since then. The grid is a gorgeous place filled with amazing builds. Mesh has added so much to the way things look—it’s a paradise. The thing that is most striking to me is how vast the world is—it’s gigantic! I teleport from place to place to place, and I mostly find myself alone. That’s what I wanted to ask you about.

Back in 2006 I could find things to do by looking on the website at events. There were always a lot of events, and I found them. What was a problem back then is still a problem for me today. I just don’t know how to make friends here.  There are some places where I find lots of avatars: Frank’s Place Jazz Club, New Citizens Incorporated, and some of the Welcome Areas. I go to these places and hang around, but nothing ever seems to happen.

My question is: How do I meet people in Second Life? I don’t mean finding a boyfriend. I just want to have people to hang around with, explore to this fantastic place, and sit and chat. What am I doing wrong? Thanks, 

Lonely in Paradise. 


Dear Lonely: I chose your letter out of a pile of similar letters. There are many residents who feel alone here in SL, and are at a loss to figure out what to do to change this. As a result, many of them do leave, and never come back.

However, there is a lot one can do to make their Second Life a social and active environment. This does take a bit of self-honesty, if you are willing to do that. Here is a list of questions and suggestions:

1.     Am I really lonely? Do I really want to be with other people, or do I just think I should be with other people?

Believe it or not, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying solitude. Our society places a great emphasis on being with others, and folks who enjoy their own company can often feel different or excluded. The fact is that Second Life seems to attract many people who are content with creating and exploring without chatting or being around other residents. DrFran enjoys the solitude of creativity quite often. I say this so that those among you who feel this way might know that really it is OK. I am going to assume, Lonely, by what you have written, that you are not a happy loner.

2.     If I determine I do want to meet other people, then I have to think about a few things? Most important is the question of interest. What is it you like doing, Lonely?

You mentioned exploring the grid and chatting with others. As I said above, it is crucial to be doing the things you like to do in Second Life in order to meet people with whom you might have things in common. For example, like many people in Second Life, I like music. When I was a new avatar, I went to many concerts, and found that the performers I liked attracted people that I liked. But, that’s not enough. The only way that other people get to know me is if I talk. So, when I went to concerts, I started to participate in the conversations that always go on in open chat, no matter how compelling the performance. If you stand there an wait for things to happen, you will never meet people. I understand how shy people can be intimidated by the prospect of having to share in a populated environment, so there are other things I have done to ease myself into social situations:

a.     Do something where the conversations and interactions are expected in the event: Trivia and building classes are two events where talking around the task is structured in. If those don’t work for you, find something that requires you to speak about something in particular. You mentioned the events listing…they can still be found on the bottom of the website dashboard page. They are not as user friendly as they used to be, but they do exist.

b.     Get involved in a charity: Some of the best friends I have made in Second Life are the people that I worked with on the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life. For many years I have helped with building and events, and this has helped me to develop relationships that continued beyond the event.

c.      Join a group: Group chat is often broken, but when it is not, it is a great way to chat anonymously with like-minded people. One of the easiest ways to meet people is to join a group that is involved in a hunt. The Peace on Earth Hunt Group had many members, and they chatted about the hunt and other things all the time. I have a friend who met a good friend from that group.

3.     Be honest with yourself about what you want.

At the risk of repeating myself: Do what you really like here in Second Life. The relationships will develop if you are true to yourself. It may sound crazy, but I have always been a lover of canals, and in my attempts to recreate canals with working locks here, I have met and become friends with a wide assortment of residents. Builders, scripters, geeks and the like were attracted to my interest, and we developed friendships that persist to this day. I don’t have a working canal at this moment, but I still have the friends.

I hope all of this is helpful to you, Lonely. There are ways to create a Second Life that more naturally invites other people into it. Anyone out there you has ideas on how to meet people is welcome to contact me with ideas and suggestions.

Take care, until next week.

Hugs,

DrFran Babcock

Bain Finch's Fundraiser for Aryon Dagger

By Bixyl Shuftan

Om Sunday January 6, Relay for Life member Bain Finch held an event for friend and fellow Relayer Aryon Dagger. Aryon's computer had broken and she couldn't afford a new one, just as she was facing surgery for cancer followed by weeks of recovery. So Bain talked to a few other friends, and they set up a DJ music event high over the Lemonia sim. Bain wanted to keep things somewhat quiet at first, wanting the event to be a surprise. But on the day of the benefit, it was out and clear in the open.

The event began at 10AM SL time with Vic Mornington DJing. I dropped in shortly after 11 with Bcreative Wild playing the music. Later on, Madonna Daehlie and Nuala Maracas would DJ at 12 and 1PM respectively. The place was on the inside of a sphere with the appearance of partying in the middle of space. Among the others there were Avariel Falcon in his dark unicorn avatar, Panza Eilde, Saffia Widdershins, and more. One was in a green alien avatar. Arnold (Gager) of Steelhead wraped himself up in a Christmas box, getting some chuckles, "Arnold, I don't know why, but I want to open you (laughter)." "You know cats and boxes."

During the event, the people sent words of encouragement to Aryon, which Bain relayed to her, "Hey Aryon. Go ahead and eat all the good stuff that I can't eat. You need your strength to get well, so we can all meet up in Florida." "We all love you, Aryon, and we're all with you!" "Aryon, we are all with you in this fight, till we all emerge victorious over the evil C, biggest Huggs."

The words truly touched Aryon's heart, "I cannot begin to tell you all what this means to me. I asked (Bcreative) to play this song for you all because you DO open my eyes when I cannot see through the tears, you DO give me breath after you have taken it away with the strength and love you share not only with me but all those on the dark journey. Bain and Panza, you have listened to my rants and raves, my laughter and tears and I cannot thank you enough. To everyone who has offered support and hugs and donated ... I WILL not give up ... I fight for you ALL. Thank you and I love you all SO much." these words were followed by the song, "Thank you for loving me."

Yours truly had to leave early, but I did get a message from Bain Finch later, "DONE!! (We) raised enough for Aryon and I'm at loss for words on how to thank every one." A few days later, Bain announced that the surgery had been a success and the cancer appeared not to have spread. Aryon was on her road to recovery, which would take several weeks. And thanks to Bain, she would stay in touch with her friends.

Bixyl Shuftan

Adventures in Cadair

By Grease Coakes

 

A friend of mine Inhandra Birdsong told me that when she wasn’t in Second Life for a while that she was on under a different name in a roleplaying sim. I actually found this out when Aurora Avila asked where she was. When I IMed Inhandra and told her that, she told me about Cadair, the roleplaying sim she role-plays at.

 

What’s Cadair? It’s a medieval roleplaying sim that takes lots of patience, but the patience can be rewarding as you role-play a character in a medieval magical environment. I put together an old B@R clothes set and some bow and arrow props to make myself look like a ranger type of character which would mesh well with my green Tokushi griffin avatar.

 

New to roleplaying? Not to worry the players there will assist you to craft your roleplaying into a richer part of everyone’s addition to the roleplay experience. Furries and humans are both welcome as I ran into both human characters and furries. The first character I ran into was a mute woman named Birala when I role-played that I was new to Cadair as a ranger searching for a “Bow of Destiny.” Even if with her name above her head I pretended I didn’t know her name. She invited me to her house using hand motions. Each motion of explaining what your character is doing is about a paragraph or two so there’s lots of typing involved. Later she told me her name through a scroll she handed to me from her belt.

 

She was helpful to me reminding me to use quotation marks when I spoke to make it clear what I was saying and doing were kept separate. Very quickly I improved as my adventure began in Cadair. I role-played along helping her prepare fish and eel that she brought home with her. She got upset with me, gesturing when I chopped up too many vegetables for her stew. I stopped helping her and went to the table instead. She told me of demons to the west to be careful of. I asked her about the "Bow of Destiny" I was hunting for as part of my character story. She had no idea shaking her head no.

The Bow of Destiny as I explained in RP “Would let the clumsiest farmer or the most skilled archer hit any target without fail.” Birala ventured away to Real Life having to leave the sim so I wandered around some more running into merlin and some child characters. Then a minotaur walked over asking me to accompany her to the infirmary. She asked for my allegiance to the land of Cadair. Playing along I said sure that I may find the Bow of Destiny helping the land.

 

Walking along with Vilge the Minotaur I walked into some more people talking about demons and other things. Vilge who crashed requested that I tag along to help her something. Learning the hard way I found out this was a bad idea. Read along and find out why.

 

Following Vilge for a short walk she led me to an underground cave which happened to be the warded moonpool of werewolves! Wait werewolves? In my character’s words “If there was a mad cow disease its name would be Vilge for leading me here. “

 

I roleplay myself jumping on to a ledge and shooting the alpha werewolf in his shoulder, but instead his mate Violet takes the arrow instead. Next the child named Saliu next to me morphs into a werewolf (WAIT she was a werewolf? I didn’t know that she was) and she pins me to the ground.  Luckily for me her clan mates bite her ear to get her off of me. All I had was an arm bruise wound.

 

To make this interesting, the minotaur character was called away for business and the same for the alpha werewolf character named Maral. I roleplayed action with the remaining characters, however Vilge comes back and asks technical questions. Luckily my actions were valid and Vilge did nothing so my actions were not voided. A RP overseer, like a dungeon master, came by and ruled in my favor.

 

When Maral came back as well, we continued the roleplay to me being led to a firepit. Saliu seeing me was enraged again as I shot one of her parents. Once again her clan mates intervened as I flew away, stating out of character, then I flew far enough to escape their clutches. A lot of the characters said I did a great job of paragraph roleplay for my first day in Cadair. I was also told that having a RP overseer intervene is a rare occurrence. So it was neat to see a RP issue handled first hand.

 

Looking for something new and exciting within Second Life? Check out the Medieval roleplay sim Cadair. Just be patient with others and if real life gets in the way there’s not much you can do about that. 

 

Whatever you do DON’T FOLLOW THE MINOTAUR!

 

Grease Coakes

Ask DrFran: It’s All About Perception

Dear DrFran: I don’t think it’s the lack of face-to-face First Life contact that caused the problem I am about to share with you. I think it was a difference in worldview. I just closed out a chapter in my Second Life that causes me a lot of emotional pain. I wonder over and over how I could have so missed the mark.

My guy and I didn’t meet and start the usual whirlwind SL relationship of: 1) hello; 2) let’s have sex; 3) let’s be a couple; 4) that’s enough; 5) good-bye. We were united over an interest in building and creating, and that’s what brought us together. He IMed me one day to discuss something he noted in my profile while we were both in the audience of the old Show and Tell. The more we talked, the more we found that we had similar interests in travel, culture and were both fanatical lovers of the wonder that is Second Life. We chatted pretty regularly for almost eight months before we actually spent any time together. I invited him over to my land to see a build I was working on. Thus began almost three years of just about daily contact, hours and hours of time logged building together, creating a sim, and talking, talking, talking. In the entire time I was with him, I was not ever bored or looking for topics to discuss. We were both interested in many things and interested in each other’s interests. I learned a lot from him, and I believe he learned a lot from me.

The only fly in the ointment was the way we fought, which we did with increasing frequency as time went on. Our fights usually started with me getting angry at him because he didn’t log in until I had waited many hours, or he was critical of the things I was building. I guess that’s not such unusual stuff, but as time went on it seemed that our differences were irreconcilable. When I got angry, he would just get angry back, and we descended into yelling back and forth without any common ground. No matter how many times I told him that I got angry because I cared, he just refused to accept this and move an inch in making peace. He brought up ex-girlfriends in SL all the time, despite the fact that I told him, assertively and calmly that this behavior upset me. I asked him not to do this, and he did. Eventually, we just could not come to any reasonable compromise with each other. From my standpoint, every attempt I made to tell him that I cared was met with a list of all the things I had done wrong. Despite my feelings for him, which persist to today, it had to end. I feel like a junkie without my drug. I went from knowing there was someone to talk to, to having a hole in the fabric of my Second Life.

I wish there had been some way to let him know that I really cared for him—his intelligence, humor, building and scripting skills, and just how zany he could be. However, this is done. I know I will eventually get over this, but what could I have done differently.   

Lonely on the Mainland.


Dear Lonely: I am sorry for the pain you are feeling now. There is probably no worse pain than that of a lost relationship. You have asked what you could do differently, so I will not comment on your significant other’s behavior. Besides, you said you two see things differently, thus I don’t know how accurate your descriptions of his behavior might be.

I can say some things to you. Yes, I know you are hurt. Yes, I know that you cared about this guy. Yes, you had a real and long relationship with him, and unlike many others DrFran believes it’s all real here. You can run, but you can’t hide from who you are.

That said, a lot of the things that you did were designed to push him away. (NOTE: In the interest of protecting the anonymity of this avatar, I removed some details about events that occurred, but my answer reflects some of this additional information) Nobody likes folks who are demanding and needy. I understand that you cared about him, but responding to his lack of logging in with anger could only serve to alienate and anger him. I am not blaming you; I am trying to help you see what he might have perceived. If you really cared about him, the best thing would have been to ignore his attempts at angering you by mentioning ex-girlfriends. Each time you got enraged, you pushed him further away.

People are so imperfect, me, you, your ex. When we care about someone we learn to make peace with what we see as their faults and shortcomings, or we decide not to accept and leave.

Lonely, if you are lucky enough to enter another relationship see if you can: Live and Let Live a little. You sound like a caring person, and I hope you can learn to lay back a bit, and let people be who they are. Meanwhile, I hope you have other friends and interests to engage your time. If not, ask yourself why you invested so much in just one person. You used the word “addict,” and I hope that you care for people rather than get addicted to them. Hugs and best wishes. DrFran

If you have a question for DrFran Babcock, please send her a notecard, or you can email at: DrFranBabcock@mac.com

DISCLAIMER: Ask DrFran is not meant to reflect a professional mental health opinion, nor necessarily the opinions of SL Newser. The primary purpose of this column is entertainment and journalism.

ADDENDUM: A reader contacted me following the Weighty Issues column of last week with some very good, different, and perspective changing views on overweight, health, and society’s thoughts about obesity. The reader used facts, research and logic to dispute my opinion that obesity presents health problems. If anyone reading this is interested in receiving the scholarly information on this topic, please email me at the above address.

Ask DrFran: Weighty Issues

Dear DrFran: 

I’m asking you this question, because I know that you know about mental health and self-improvement. If you don’t think it belongs here, could you just answer me privately, because I really need help with this.

Second Life is a perfect place to hide from the realities of daily life, and to avoid confronting problems. I am morbidly obese. While I have seen a few overweight avatars, they are usually for fun and laughs, because people who are fat are funny to most folks. However, my avatar is quite hot, and that’s how I want it to be. I say all this as an introduction to what I really want to say, and because it’s almost 2013.

Every year I make a resolution to lose weight, and every year I last for a few weeks before I am binging again. After the first binge there is no way that I could hate myself more. Yet, no matter what I do, I can’t tolerate the thought of never having another piece of chocolate or French fries.

I have tried all kinds of weight loss schemes, and no matter what I do, I end up going back to the old foods. I eat them for comfort, for peace of mind, and just because I like them. Help me to stick to my resolution this year. Help me to look more like my avatar. Thanks.  

Broken Promises


Dear Broken: If I were talking to you in First Life, I would never disclose personal information, but since we are virtual I will tell you this: I have maintained a large weight loss for 27 years, and I never, ever, ever make New Year resolutions.

Before you say: She must have tremendous will power, let me tell you also that I have horrid will power. What I do have is both the desire to remain slim along with some tricks that help me to keep from binging.

First of all, I don’t allow myself to think about not having French Fries ever again. I do the same thing the folks in Alcoholics Anonymous do, which is take things one day at a time. Instead of never having chocolate sundaes, I tell myself that I won’t have one today, and that if I want one tomorrow, I will deal with that then. Then tomorrow comes, and I say I won’t have one today. So far, this has worked for me.

Second, I got together a support group of women who wanted to lose weight, too. We connect on the phone, in text, or in person, to share how we are doing with our food plans. When the food is calling me from the kitchen, I get on the phone and vent my frustrations. Usually, my friends and I come to the decision that no food is going to change the way I feel in a meaningful way. In other words, a box of cookies is not going to bring back the guy who dumped me, or get me a better mark on a school paper.

Third: A food plan is a necessary tool in any weight loss program. After all these years I still follow pretty much the same food plan I started with 27 years ago! I never call this a diet any more. What I have is a plan for eating and living. I did go to a nutritionist in the beginning. Over time I have added and eliminated some foods from what I eat. How do I know what to cut out? That food that “calls” to me from the cupboard or refrigerator, it has to be removed from my food plan. Sometimes, it takes a while for me to accept that, but I really want to remain healthy more than I want to have what I want when I want it. Usually, my need to have something NOW is a warning that it’s not good for me. That goes for food, drink, men, etc.

I know you are saying: Big deal, you’ve been skinny now for a long time…what about someone who has been fat for so long? I will quote the philosopher Hillel, and ask: If not now; when? Please Broken, obesity is surely a killer. My parents recently moved to a retirement community, and I was surprised that all of the residents were of average weight or less. It took me a while to realize that obese people probably didn’t live long enough to make it to one of these communities.

So, while you are at your Second Life New Year festivities, resolve to make no resolutions, and begin the year by saying: Just for today I will eat in a way that is good for me.

I find also, that logging into Second Life instead of eating can sometimes fill my desire for food. I use Second Life as a distraction and weight loss tool when I am obsessing about sweets. I wish you all the luck in your endeavors. DrFran

If you have a question for DrFran Babcock, please send her a notecard, or you can email at: DrFranBabcock@mac.com

PS: Photo Credit. The photo was shot at: Sirenes et Moineaux Patisserie, Alchemy Immortalis (49, 39, 65), an amazing build.

DrFran Babcock