Yoga Teacher Pramiil Magne Leaves Second Life

By Grease Coakes

He’s been my Guru for almost two years and due to his real life and request of his wife Kira, Pramiil Magne has left his Brahma Yoga class here in Second Life. Speaking for myself it’s going to be hard for me as I enjoyed coming to his meditation classes. His meditation technique and how far I have advanced in his class has made a large impact in my self-esteem and I’m less angry. Guru is a Sanskrit term for "teacher" or "master", especially in Indian religions.


You might remember that I wrote an article about him last year about what his class is all about. Lots of people, and me included, were sad to see him go. My friends in the BY class said various things about him leaving Second Life."

Aldaida, "Just would be nice if he could both stay and be happy, but we can't have everything we want."

Linux, who goes by his spiritual name, Divyamurti which means "The expression of the divine,” had this to say: “I like his information.”

StJohn Noyes over the phone had this to say about Pramiil our guru.

“That he was very committed to building and he was kind and was happy to give us love and attention in leading us in meditation. In addition to that he built spiritual connections between himself and hi students. He was educated and always knew the answer to spiritual questions. Pramiil has been a Guru for the past 30 years or so he had lots of knowledge to share.”

St John’s girlfriend Eyll Tripsa had this to say about Pramiil who has been a long time student of his teachings.

Eyll Tripsa, "For me Guruji was like a father figure. He guided me in Spiritualty. He has changed my view on life. And that helped me enormously in daily life."

My Guru has been helpful with helping with anger issues with myself and also Time of Sand who had this to say as a newcomer to the class.

TimeofSand, "He will be missed a lot."

Tiggy Scholessinger a furry who I invited to BY class who came to his class once had this to say about Pramiil, “It was a pleasure meeting him and it was a nice experience to meditate with him. I felt relaxed and really good about myself.”


When I got the quote from Eyll, she was telling me that she and her boyfriend StJohn were planning classes. She told me that Baba asked Eyll and St John to continue to organize times for everyone to meditate together. Baba Anandamurti a Guru that is no longer on earth, but he is a Guru that is very connected to Brahma asked Eyll and StJohn to start organizing classes right away.

People are welcome to meditate with me and my friends. Sadly due to real life, Pramiil can no longer be in Second Life to guide us spiritually. However with his teachings, I still have a strong connection to Brahma. And Pramiil did say ...

Pramiil Magne, "You are great Grease you have come such a long way (smile)."

Grease Coakes, "Thanks Guruji, but I’m sure I still have a while to go yet."

Pramiil Magne, "(smile) Yes, but you will get there very soon just keeping moving forward spiritually."

I’m not exactly sure what he meant by my next level of spiritualty is, but I’m sure it can only improve my soul and my real life person. Pramiil is still alive in real life and he said he will come watch over us when we meditate. He had this to say

Grease Coakes, "Namaste Guruji were you in my meditation before?"

Pramiil Magne, "Yes I was just there (smile)."

His avatar left us in Second Life, but he’s still thinking about our pixel avatars and the people behind them. That’s a lot of devotion and I’m happy that Pramiil Magne was and still is my Guru.

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Airtol%20Hill/166/82/58

Grease Coakes

Desi Heet by Jackson Arthur

By Grease Coakes

Jackson Arthur from Book Island published his story "Desi Heet" on Amazon. Reading through the book it was an interesting read as I sat down with Jackson and talked with him in voice chat. Both Jackson and I thought the closest genre would be paranormal as Desi Heet doesn’t really fit into any particular genre.


For first time readers, Jackson Arthur’s Desi Heet is about a woman who was born a demon with dragon wings. She works for a Christian charity that is helping out the poor on a shoestring budget. Someone offers her something she can’t refuse and does she accept? Read to find out, but Jackson Arthur had a lot to say.


Jackson was asking the general but tough question “What would you do in tough circumstances?”

Desi Heet may be nice to others, but others aren’t nice to her as everyone sees her as a demon. It asks the question can you still be the same person in different circumstances. Both Jackson and I agreed it had to do with opposites. Later in the book Desi sees herself as the extreme opposite of her nice and caring demon self. She gets thrown into a world where her character known as Annie is seen as a mean woman who is selfish and into earthly pleasures and is a popular pretty girl, where Desi the demon is appalling to look at but her character is deeply religious and caring.

I guess one of the main themes of the book is "what if?" I said in voice chat that you would think if she was treated poorly growing up she could have chosen a life of crime and violence. Instead Jackson says Desi holds on to her beliefs in God and stays to helping the church. I personally couldn’t be as strong as Desi.

It made me think of Superman, the comic book hero. He has all that power and only kryptonite can kill him. If he had a different upbringing in a poor household and was treated differently would he still be the same Superman to fight for justice? Or would he take over the world if he was taught hate instead of love growing up.

Jackson’s writing style is also descriptive with detailed scenery and characters you can identify with. Another example that Jackson asked would be what if Albert Einstien grew up in Africa in the savannah, instead of industrialized society. He would still be a brilliant thinker, but would lack the tools and education to create the tools to create the theories he created. Another thing that came to mind is people asking for help, and when you say yes as a knee jerk reaction for say someone asking for a dollar. People may see you hand out that dollar and then you may have five more people ask for you a dollar now that they saw you say yes. Desi or any other generous soul could be taken advantage in a world like today when showing kindness.

I haven’t finished the book yet, so more surprises probably lie in wait for me of what happens to Desi and her evil side Annie. When I purchased Desi Heet it happened to be free for a few days, but as of right now it’s at a low price. If you’re looking for something enticing to read I recommend Jackson Arthur’s Desi Heet. In fact Jackson was saying a sequel will be in the works so watch for that.

http://www.amazon.com/Desi-Heet-ebook/dp/B00AGCVSNK/

http://jacksonarthurportals.com/

http://www.amazon.com/Jackson-Arthur/e/B009WHGZ0G/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1

Grease Coakes

Ask DrFran: The Green-Eyed Monster

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran:

I never thought that I would be someone who would write to you. I mean, I have never really had much in the way of problems in my life, and haven’t really had the need to ask for help. I seem to have become another person lately.

It’s funny, in a way, because many people believe that Second Life™ is the place to become someone other than the human you are—to try on a new persona.  The new “me” should have been someone with better values and qualities to admire. Yet, I have become someone I would look upon with scorn.

I was not looking for romance in Second Life™. I was at a concert of a performer whom I like a lot, when I received an IM from someone I didn’t know. They asked me about something I had in my profile that had to do with an interest in railroads in Second Life™. Instead of jumping to the conclusion that it was a pick up line, I responded, and we chatted happily while listening to the music. It turned out that Carl liked this singer as much as I did, and that we had a few other interests in common. He was involved in the mainland railroads, and we shared about sims we had visited with active trains. He mentioned a few other places to which I had never been that had great train sets on them. I didn’t think anything of it, and logged when the concert was over.

The following day, Carl IMed me, sent me a friend request, and asked me if I wanted to see some of the beautiful train sims we had chatted about. I agreed, and we spent a very pleasurable few hours visiting the NY Healthscape sims, which have a long train ride on them, and a group of Japanese sims that had a monorail.

Fast forward to three months later, and Carl and I are spending most of our time in Second Life together. I never realized how close you can become to someone when you only have  voice or typing for commnication.

Slowly, I found myself becoming very dependent upon Carl for passing the hours in world. It was such a gradual transition, that it took me by surprise when he didn’t log in one day, and I found myself in a sad and angry state. This was so not me. I am not someone who moons over guys, and Carl wasn’t even a flesh and blood presence in my life. What the heck was going on?

I couldn’t believe that I had been moved to such an extreme of emotion, so I was not prepared for what followed. Carl was not about much any more. I remembered that he had told me the name of an alt he used, he said, when he was working on the mainland train and trolley lines. I searched for the name of the alt, and was surprised to find that the alt was online.

What I did next was shameful. Even now, as I think of it, I redden and dislike myself. I logged in an alt, and IMed Carl’s alt. I made up a silly excuse about a trolley on the mainland line malfunctioning and his name was on the vehicle. He asked for a TP, and we spent a few minutes chatting.  I scrutinized his profile and saw a pick for his home location.  I went on the Marketplace and spent a lot of Lindens on a spy HUD.

In the following days I hung out near Carl’s alt’s home sim, and waited with the spy HUD. It only took two days before I found him several thousand meters away on his sim. There was another green dot on the map with him. Knowing that he might not even remember my alt, I TPed over to his location, and spied behind the walls to find him in an embrace with another female avatar.

I teleported away, but frankly, I don’t kno whether to be more upset about his infidelity, or the way I behaved. This jealous, stalking behavior—where did it come from? In truth, I haven’t stopped. I keep stalking both avatars whenever I can. I have map rights on Carl, and check out where he is whenever I can. It takes all my willpower not to teleport right up to him and confront him. I have been so ashamed that I have stopped speaking with him, and log on at times when I know he cannot be in world.

Help me to make sense of this, DrFran. 

Sign me: Jealous Fool


Dear Jealous:

I can see how Carl’s behavior was hurtful, and could have brought about the response that you describe. I don’t really have a lot of information about Carl from your letter, and will have to speak in generalities. I congratulate you on the bravery it must have taken to write to me about this.

Human nature is odd, and we can never know when something will happen that will trigger a response in us that seems out of character. A good example of this is when people behave in extraordinarily brave ways when a crisis occurs.  Conversly, the worst in us can come out in certain situations. We all have a dark side; all of us. It is impossible to be human without it. Most of the time this side of us doesn’t surface. The response to Carl pulling away from you must have reminded you of some long ago loss of a person’s attention.

Psych 101 quickie class: Whenever I have a strong reaction to a seemingly neutral or upsetting situation, there is information I can learn. For example: I grew up in a home where mistakes and failures were just not permitted. If I came home with a 99% on a test, I was asked why I hadn’t gotten a 100% on the test. Of course, as an adult, I have come to understand that a 99% is a damned good grade. However, any time I feel that I am being criticized, or told that my work is not up to par, I really start to freak out. I am able to say to myself: “That was then, and this is now,” and I avoid a melt down. When I was younger, it was not so easy.

What I think you need to think about, Jealous is if you can make a connection with Carl’s infidelity. As I said, I don’t have enough information to even make a guess as to what it might be. However, I do think that someone in your early years did something that you may have interpreted as a betrayal.

Stalkers often behave as they do because they feel a loss of control, when someone pulls away from them. The more the person detaches from them; the stronger the urge to cling, and to demand information. This only pushes the person further away. Therefore, the only suggestion I have beyond looking into your past, is to stop the behavior immediately. If you can resist checking up on Carl, you will find over time, that the impulse to know what he’s up to will fade. I know it doesn’t feel that way just at this moment, but it’s so. Please don’t confront him. This will never turn out well.

Please let me know how you make out, if you uncover any past betrayals, or if you have an update on your relationship with Carl.

Fondly, DrFran

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you.

Looking Back: The End of Second Life Newspaper

By Bixyl Shuftan

Three years ago this month was when my writing career in Second Life faced it's moment of decision.  At the time, I was working at Second Life Newspaper, with Grey Lupindo, Gemma Cleanslate, Shellie Sands, and Breezes Babii as coworkers. Our boss was Dana Vanmoer, the longtime editor, and recently the owner of the paper.


The past several months had not been easy ones for Dana, or the paper. One of our major sponsors, BNT landholdings, had suddenly went bankrupt. Besides the significant loss of revenue and a private island, Dana had to put up with a lot of grief from people who sent her angry messages due to our advertising of them. She had to deal with them by herself as the founder of SLN, JamesT Juno, had left Second Life due to real life troubles. He and Dana had grown closer and partnered, so his leaving was doubly painful for her. Also, over time several writers had dropped out due to real-life situations, leaving us a smaller paper than when I came aboard.

As the office manager, I would update the paper when Dana couldn't. This didn't happen often for most of the time I had the job. But in 2010, it fell to me more and more often. It wasn't a big matter to me as I wrote a lot anyway. Whatever was bugging her, I felt would soon pass.

It was in April in which our Editor called for a staff meeting. I was still looking back at our "April Fool" article with chuckles, so I went in with fairly light spirits. Little did I realize what was ahead. After her greeting, Dana dropped a bombshell. She couldn't keep up the paper any more due to real life problems. Despite that James had made her the CEO, she didn't feel it was really "her" paper to give to someone else. So not only would she be resigning, but the paper would be closing as well, in June.

Our reaction was stunned disbelief. We urged her not to call it quits for good, but to take a break. Her response was that she didn't see her problems going away for a long, long time. Gemma urged her if she had to go to hand the paper over to me, or even a merger with another SL media company. But Dana's decision was final. The paper would continue on until June to finish off our sponsorships. Some would be getting a little extra time for free. We were also asked not to tell anyone else about this, not even our sponsors.

With the paper's fate sealed, we did the only thing we could, keep writing. Well, almost the only thing. We chatted among ourselves about options, and came the idea of forming another paper. It would not be an easy task. We would be in effect starting over. But there just was no other option on the table.

One complication was when I got a complaint about an article I did for an adult media company by a competitor, insisting they were dishonest. As I couldn't talk about the paper's closing, I told him I'd be in a better position to do an advert for them later on. I also got a job offer from one of our medium sponsors: Mystery. I told them I could start in early June.

Dana did feel we should at least throw one final bash for our friends and supporters. So in a press release she announced some "big news" would be forthcoming at a party on Saturday June 5th. James would be able to make it that day fortunately. We looked to the day with a mix of anticipation and dread.

Finally the day came, and the staff gathered early. We greeted James, happy to meet the old boss, at least for today. The party started off well enough, with others happy to see James as well. I think someone thought the "big news" was James' return. But it was not to be. Eventually, James himself called everyone into chat range.

"It is with pain in our heart that we salute you tonight. It is with pain in our heart we leave this place. It is with pain in our heart we allow the final curtain to fall. For us as avatar, and for our beloved newspaper, its time to end it."

"The sl-newspaper will end."

It must've been a true shock to the audience. A number expressed their sadness in sad sighs and tears. I did announce a few minutes later the rest of us would be setting up another paper. But as expected, it did little to ease the sting. Instead of the new paper, people kept IMing me asking why the paper was closing down. It was an outwardly happy party, but on the inside, we were sad that this would be the last we'd be all together.

Eventually, James and Dana had to go. And their avatars faded away. And the staff and I stood there, knowing that the end of SL Newspaper had finally come, and what lay ahead was an uncertain future.

Dana's final article went up shortly there after. She explained that with their real life problems becoming too much to handle, or "our real lives taking over" as she put it, she and James just couldn't run the paper any more. She thanked the staff and her friends, such as 10 Goosson and the Skybeam community, for their support. She also gave a parting warning, "One thing I would hope for the future for SL is that the Lindens go back and realize what they are destroying with their policies. The sheer creativity, communication, and … impact … is being eaten away by the Lindens stupidly ignoring the content creators with their ill thought out policies, which help no one, except their own pockets." There was a small irony here as days later, the Lab laid off a third of their staff.

Soon afterwards, the front page of the paper changed, announcing it was closed. there were a couple banners up for Skybeam and M and M Creations, in addition to a link to the archives, at least for the front page. But most of the other sections were closed down, for reasons known only to Dana. Fortunetly, we found the "People" section was still up.

Dana had also left a link to the new newsletter, so readers could find it. One last favor.

Over the next few days, I continued to get messages, asking why SLN had folded. Some expressed their sympathies, but I also got a couple angry responses from sponsors, "Why didn't you tell us?!" I never heard a word about the free month of time some got. The porn director who complained earlier about an article was also upset. Among other SL media outlets, the "Herald," the tabloid that Dana joked was our arch rival, made a brief announcement that was an overall complement to her.

Over time, I would see JamesT Juno a couple more times. He was happy with how me and the staff were continuing with the news. Dana I would see inworld only once more. She came online once in November 2010 while Breezes was in the hospital. We met and talked for a while. It was a meeting unlike what we had before. No longer was it as her the editor and me her top reporter. Instead, it was me as the editor of the paper that had taken the place of hers. Talking with her, she explained she hadn't kept up with reading up about Second Life, and was surprised to hear about the layoffs at Linden Lab and the Emeraldgate mess. This would be the last time we chatted.

As the weeks and months went by, I heard more about Dana's real life situation. While I can't disclose what it is, I can say it was about to make running the paper impossible. I can only assume she continues to communicate with her SL family in some way, but her days of running a media outlet are behind her.

Perhaps someday, hopefully someday soon, she and James can be happy together again.

In the meantime, we at the Newser in June prefer to look back at June as not so much the end of our old newspaper, but the founding of our new one. As the original Second Life Newspaper began as one man's dream, others who shared the dream would carry on with Second Life Newser.

But that, is another story.

Bixyl Shuftan

Springtime in Bronytown

By Bixyl Shuftan

A few years ago, the 80s girls' cartoon "My Little Pony" was brought back in to production with a new style and storyline, and soon developed a cult following. It wasn't long before the "Pony" fandom was reflected in Second Life with the creation of an avatar based on the cartoon equines. Called a "Brony" after the slang term for "My Little Pony" or "MLP" fans, the avatars quickly became a hit, helped by the fact they were given away for free. And it wasn't long before a community of ponies came about, soon followed by a couple sims. Despite a setback that would have demolished some communities, the Ponies bounced back with a new sim, BronyTown. Within months, the community had expanded to several thriving sims with no real sign of trouble.

Since Xymber's articles on the recovery, I hadn't heard much about the sims, and an Internet search didn't reveal much. My partner Jasmine had been to the Pony sims a few times, and recently invited me over to take a look to see things for myself. So we both headed over. With "My Little Pony" being aimed at girls, although it's 21st Century versions have appealed more to teenagers and young women, I had never seen a single episode. So Jasmine had to explain a few things to me.

The place itself was built and textured in a style that looked light-hearted and cartoony. But the colors tended to be bright, with some pastel shades, making the place resemble the setting of the cartoon. It resembled a fantasy village somewhat, with the yellow roofs having the shape of thatched straw ones. The streets were not grey or black, but had a light blue color.

The pony sims were about to have an event, the "Winter Wrap-Up," somewhat based on a "My Little Pony" episode where the characters have a spring festival. And Jasmine had been working on one of the prizes to give out: a pair of sunglasses, "Winter's done, Spring's springing. Sun's com'in out, Sun's in your eyes. What'ya do? Reach for your sunshades." The event was partially to bring the locals "together to recreate an episode of My Little Pony," but it was also a chance for visitors to drop by, "you get to meet everyone, make friends, see the town in it's entirety."

Showing me around in her own pony avatar, she was wearing a brown jacket over the front. It was for one of the event's teams, "The brown outfit is for the Critter team, green is the Planter team, and the blue is the Weather team." She also showed me a shovel and hoe, "the shovel is for anyone, used to remove snowpiles. The hoe is for anyone to 'garden.' No additional thing for the weather team. Using the hoe or the shovel to do a 'thing' gives you one sunshine. You gather those for these here prizes."

Going up to one group at the town center, most everyone was in a pony avatar, except for one whom was a vaguely human-shaped figure all black except for a shiny yellow circle for a face. He was called Lamp. He explained they were still setting things up for the festival, "we're trying to make this a 'moneyless' event. … People can earn prizes using points, so they can get some really cool stuff without spending a cent." Linden donations were perfectly fine, "but it's not about profit, it's more about bringing the community closer and having fun." Nearby were collections of shovels and hoes, which anyone could take one from.

One of the ponies commented, "I had fun last night busting clouds (chuckles)." I asked about that, and the local answered, "Yup to clear the shies and let the sun shine in and melt the white snow." Jasmine told me, "Well up here there is clouds that rezz. All you do is fly into them to pop them. It gives you 1 sunshine." Someone suggested some clouds might be worth more. She and one of the others briefly went up in the sky to demonstrate. For the hoes, there were dirt mounds around the place, "supposedly you 'plant' something, and you get sunshine points."

At the town center, here was a sunshine counter which when touched told locals how many points they had, "Your sunshine burns brightly at 578." This point system was around long enough for others to joke at. One pony lying down had a fake tag over her head, "10,000 Sunshine." The occasional chuckle from others was a sign no one was buying it.

Looking further, there were a number of stores and some market areas with stalls. Due to the nature of the place, everything had a G-rated limit. Of the goods, Jasmine commented, "Some these things I look and scratch my head. Other things are pretty good stuffs." There was also a place where movies were shown, the "Trot-in Theater."

The ponies certainly had a whimsical nature. It didn't take much to get them joking around, and it was often spontaneous, "Oh my God! MUFFINS!!" "Sugary Goodness!" Looking around the place, other groups of locals also broke out in spontaneous whimsy, running around and doing some "flip" gesture or something, or cracking jokes. There was also a "Doctor Hooves" going about in a "Tardis." Jasmine commented of those making themselves part of the community, "You get to play. This whole place I've noticed brings out the kids in everyone."

There was one thing about the community that Jasmine didn't like, one that all groups in Second Life shared. Although she was wearing the avatar to help get in the spirit of the festival, there were a few locals whom wouldn't talk to her unless she was wearing it. While everyone important here would happily talk to visitors, she felt that was a reminder that no matter where you go, there are always some reluctant to speak with others unlike them.

But still, there was no shortage of friendly folk here, in this whimsical, happy place. If you're looking for a place to explore that's different, by all means give BronyTown a look. There are also several other pony sims. East Trotsdale, West Trotsdale, Trotsdale Heights, Everfree Forest, and the castle sim of Canterlot.

Bixyl Shuftan

Ask DrFran: "A Buddy Comes Out"

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran:

In real life, I’m a bit afraid of gays, or "homer-sexuals" as my Dad called them. He considered them bad news as men in general had only one thing on their mind, and gays were different only in they'd be after your behind instead of bragging to you about how much they got. A friendship with one, he told me, was impossible. And he felt that if any were dumb enough to show themselves back in the farm community he grew up in, the expression "he needed killin’" might be brought to bear.

Coming to Second Life™, I found a few, but not many, at least among the men. There have been a few in their profile who called themselves "bisexual," but not many male homosexuals. Maybe in SL's Libertarian "mind your own business" attitude, most keep quiet about it, but I can only guess. But some haven't. Some kept to themselves. Others acted like my Old Man warned me they would, being pests and flirting with any guy who was unlucky enough to draw their attention.

For most of the time, I didn't think too much about the subject, being occupied with going about in Second Life™ and making friends. Among my first friends was "Kay" (not his real SL name) a short, furry guy who liked music and would occasionally play at music events at a favorite hangout of mine. We would also talk with other friends about computer games and goings on in SL and first life, as well as places we’d seen. We'd also do some activities together, such as a weekly tour group in SL. He could be a little sad at times, saying he had trouble finding someone in real life, but I thought nothing of it.

Then after over a year, Kay told me he had a bit of news. He admitted he was gay. He told me he had dated girls in first life, but just couldn't feel an attraction. This bit of news was stunning. I thought I had known him, and it turned out I hadn’t.

I didn't feel afraid of him—between his small size and his passive, well-mannered attitude. But what did make me worry was when Kay told us who he was in a relationship with. The guy, who was not really gay but bisexual, was known to be a troublemaker, harassing a lady friend of ours in first life. I reminded him of that, saying this guy had been bad news. But he persisted, showing up with him at his side. So I acted friendly, hoping my buddy was right in that he changed.

As it turned out, the troublemaker hadn’t changed. Some time later, I heard from a mutual friend they had broken up. It was a few days later when Kay finally logged back on. I met up with him, and my buddy was in tears. He had found his partner in bed with another guy, basically laughing off their relationship. He had not only given his heart and found it thrown back at him, but in exposing his biggest secret, many ‘friends’ had stopped talking to him. He felt more depressed than ever.

It was at this point I did something I thought I’d never do. I gave the guy a hug—first time on SL I had ever done so to another male.

Kay remained on Second Life™ a little longer, but eventually he stopped coming on a regular basis. He would pop in once in a while to say hello, but he had more or less moved on.

I’m not wondering what makes a guy gay. Whatever happened, he didn't ask for it. But what I do wonder is what made him “come out?” There are many stories of guys who have done so, only to be shunned by friends and family alike. Surely he would have known. Why couldn't he have just kept quiet about it? 

Wondering


Dear Wondering:

Thank you so much for your thoughtful letter and question. It is a testament to your maturity that you did not go on to embrace unquestioningly the beliefs of your father, as so many people have over time. You have had the ability to see things for yourself, and to take people as you meet them, without prejudice (note: prejudice means to pre-judge, and you didn’t).

Kay is not an unusual case. I have met many gay men and lesbians in my days on the grid. Second Life™ can provide a hiding place for people who have secrets. My own belief is that no matter where you go; there you are. No amount of running and hiding can allow a person to hide from themselves. The pain of not being truly who one believes themself to be is often unbearable for people. I believe that is what was behind Kay’s need to “come out.” Kay was unable to be who he was, and that dishonesty hurts people. I don’t know if you have ever had to appear in a human avatar in Second Life™, but if you did you might know what I am talking about. I believe you said you are a furry, and that is your identity here on the Grid. So, imagine having to act “human” here, and interact with friends and lovers as a human, when every cell in your body tells you that you are a fur. Most people could not do that for any length of time.

I am sure that Kay was well aware of the stigma of being homosexual. Despite all of the growth we residents have made and show, many folks still fear “homer-sexuals” Kay took a risk that he had to take.

On a more psychological note: It has been my experience that gays and lesbians prefer to have their affections returned. A homosexual who pursues a straight person is probably dealing with emotional difficulties. It’s no different than the woman or man who always seems to find the one person who will not or cannot return their love. Generally, without some insight they are unable to change this behavior, and will go on looking for love in all the wrong places for the rest of their life.

Kay made a bad choice in a partner; something you and his other friends warned him about, but without success. Is this any different than a straight relationship? I think not. People will love the wrong people, but mostly they will pursue people whom they think will like them. Poor Kay will heal, but his experience in Second Life™ may have soured him for future attempts at being gay here. Not because he is gay, but because he had a bad experience.

Your hug was an expression of true caring and compassion. I applaud you for the bravery it must have taken. Think for a moment…Kay didn’t pursue you romantically, so he must have seen you for what you are: his friend. Maybe he will make another try in Second Life™. We know there is no way to say, but I am glad that he has your for a friend should he try to stick his snout in again.

Thanks for your heartfelt letter.

DrFran

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you.

Ask DrFran: Where is the Meaning?

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran: 

I have been in Second Life™ for a few years, and have enjoyed almost every second of it. I am not much of a creative person, but I love to meet people, chat, go to clubs and dance, shop until I drop, and sail on the Linden Lab seas. As you can see, I have a pretty fulfilling and fun-filled time. I have had a few boyfriends, and unlike some of the people who write to you, I wear these relationships loosely, neither grieving nor exalting when they are over. My philosophy is: Live and Let Live, and it has always worked for me. At least, it worked until recently.

I have been finding, ever so slowly but persistently, that I am feeling a sense of emptiness on an almost daily basis. It’s a little bit hard to describe, but I will try. The other day I was with my two best friends—Shanna and Tiffany—in Gizza checking out their new Spring line of clothes. We were laughing and having a great time, as usual, and the clothes were gorgeous. Out of nowhere the thought came to me: “There has to be more to Second Life™ than this.” Following that thought, I felt a deep sadness, which grabbed me, and did not let go. After a time fooling around with my friends, I told them I had to log off to do some errands (a lie), and I shut my computer off, and moped.

Since that time, the feeling comes and goes with greater frequency. I wouldn’t say that I am bored. I do enjoy the things I am doing when I log in. It’s just that I feel as if there should be more. I have started to search for places in Second Life™ that might offer me a glimpse into meaning: I visited a Buddhist Temple, a church, different philosophy islands, and nothing really gave me what I needed. Worst of all is that I am not at all sure what it is I need. I only know that how I use my time in world now is not enough. I feel shallow, and I want to find some depth to my Second Life™.

DrFran, do you have any ideas what could be going on, and what I can do about it? 

Thanks, 

Devoid

Dear Devoid: I am so taken by your honesty and insight. You seem to have arrived at a place that most people never get to visit. The sad truth is that most folks go through their lives (first or second) with their eyes closed to everything that is going on around them. What happens when they “wake up” is that they often begin to question the meaning of what they are doing. Congratulations on waking up, Devoid, because this signals the chance for you to move in a growth direction, and make an in world experience that will be deeper and full of the meaning you seek.

I am glad that you are asking me this question at this time of the year, because it is a time when Second Life™ shines the brightest, because of its altruism. You see, I believe that we get meaning from life when we unselfishly give and do for others. The annual Relay for Life season is in full swing. Every year, residents of Second Life™ form teams to raise money for the American Cancer Society. One Linden is not worth much money, it’s true, but together the Second Life™ Relay for Life team raised US$375,385 to fight cancer!!! Anyone and everyone is invited to participate, and there are still many teams that are looking for or need membership. There is a link at the end that can help you see the teams that might need help.

If fighting against cancer is not your thing, there are plenty of other charities in which residents can participate.  Just about every charity that exists in First Life has a twin in the virtual world. I recommend highly finding a way to move from self-contemplation, and into thinking about others. You, and your girlfriends could even find your own charity to sponsor. Maybe this effort will bring some more meaning into your life. Cheers, DrFran

Relay for Life in Second Life™: http://rflofsl.intuitwebsites.com

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you.

DrFran Babcock

Ask DrFran: How Can I Get Him Back?

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran:

I am sure that you can help me with this problem I have been having for a few months. Since my boyfriend and I have broken up, I have been pining for him, and can’t get him out of my mind. The funny thing is that it was me who broke up the relationship.

Fred (not his real name) and I have been an item for a long time by Second Life™ standards. Just before the break up I was starting to feel a bit neglected, and wondering if Fred was seeing someone else here—something that is all too easy to do in this virtual world. I got really angry with him one night, and just unfriended him, and refused to speak with him for a while.

Now, several months later, I find that I miss him terribly. He kept Instant Messaging me after the break up, even though I did not return the messages. One day I did respond to an IM, and I found that feelings of having missed him started to well up in me. I realized that I had made a mistake in breaking up in such a dramatic way.

DrFran, although we haven’t re-friended (he says he was too hurt to let an unfriending happen again) we still do speak often. I have no way to know if he is online, nor does he know about me. Therefore, it takes some effort for us to chat, but it does seem to happen.

I want us to be back together, but that hasn’t happened. Yet, I think that he is really wanting the same thing, but just afraid to try being a couple again. I keep giving him gifts of builds I have made. In fact, he used one on his land. I started to wear purple hair, because I know it’s his favorite color. I try to stay in world at times when I think he will be online. I have even told him that I still care for him. What can I do to encourage him to take me back? I just know it’s what he wants. 

 Wanting

Dear Wanting: Sometimes I really hate my job. I get letters such as yours, filled with hopes and dreams for a better future all the time. How can I get him back? That’s probably the number one question I get asked. If you listen to popular music, you will hear songs about: “Come back to me,” all the time. Loss is a big part of being a human, and here in Second Life™ things feel even more intense. So, your loss is a great one.

The reason I hate my job at times, is because I have to tell people bad news. Wanting, the bad news is that more than likely Fred is not coming back. How do I know this? Well, (guys cover your ears) men are not very complex when it comes to women. When a guy wants a woman, he will usually go and get her. There’s none of the doubt and obsession, and constant inner debating that is the work of women throughout the world.

If Fred wanted to be back with you; he would so be there. I know you will try to tell me that he’s shy, or maybe he was hurt and is being careful. Invoking the world of the old Magic 8 ball: Odds are not in your favor. Fred is being nice, because most people would rather eat glass than look like a bad guy. So, he chats with you, may even IM you first, will accept your gifts, and other signs that he is coming back. He wouldn’t friend with you, and that is big. Did you feel rejected by that? It was a rejection, in my opinion.

There is nothing that you can do—no hair color, gift, availability, etc.—that will bring Fred back unless that’s what he wants to do. When people push, I always remember what Princess Leia said to Darth Vader, when he was trying to force information out of her: The tighter you squeeze; the more star systems will slip through your fingers. People hate feeling manipulated and forced. I am sure you do, as well.

My advice, since you asked, is to go one with your second life. If Fred wants to be back in your life, he will do that. Otherwise, you moving on is the only way to ensure that you will get to enjoy your time here. I hope you decide to let go, move on, and enjoy all those things you deserve. By the way: Purple hair? Well, Relay for Life is in full swing, so maybe your hair will do for that, but it won’t get Mr. Wont-be-your-Friend back in your life. 

Cheers, 

DrFran

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you.

A Day of Relay Events

By Bixyl Shuftan

Saturday March 23rd was a day full of events for the Relay For Life. Numerous teams had events planned, large and small. And all of them cheered each other on through the volunteer group chat.

At 11AM was the biggest event in terms of area it took place on: the "Cross-Country Giant Snail Race." Organized by RacerX Gullwing and his team, his Giant Snail Races usually take place on an obstacle course in part of a sim. This marathon took place over 45 sims on the Mainland, going by places such as "The Shelter." For the Relay, RacerX and his team are known as the Giant Snail Relay team.

About a dozen racers donned giant snail avatars, and took part in the course. There were a few problems unfortunately for both contestants and onlookers. Forks in the road had arrows to help guide the racers. Unfortunetly, lag could sometimes hide them, from both racers and people trying to keep up with the action. The snails could also get caught in obstacles hidden by lag, such as trees, in addition to ban lines from peoples' houses on the mainland. The exact time the race took wasn't available when this article was written, but these cross-sim races often take over forty minutes before the first racer crosses the finish line, and an hour before most contestants have gotten through. Alden Cortes' snail was the one who won the race. Stay tuned for the race to appear on the Treet.tv archives soon.


The Giant Snail Relay might have had the largest event. But there were plenty of others. The Unmasking a Cure team announced a "Sink the DJ" event, "Unmasking A Cure team is kicking off our first event with DJ Chris Crisis! Come on down …  We'll be here all day! Hope you can stop in and have some fun with us!" Getting there, it was a small but enthusiastic crowd. The DJ and hostess were sporting ducky water floats, "Pay the kiosk 100L, and I'll take your request. Show your love, help unlock a cure!" Near the dance floor was a small pool, presumable where the DJ would end up if enough cash was donated. The event went on for about eight hours.

At Celtic Isle, an "En Garde" fencing tournament was held. Panza Elde announced the competition to Relay chat, taking amusement to the variety of avatars, "Another match about to begin, bird vs bunny." Heading over, the contestants were a variety of human, furred, and tiny avatars.  More than 11,000 Lindens had been raised at the event, the winner being Capt Blinker with Stero Nacht a close second. Capt Blinker joked, "I cheated, I tied Stereo's shoelaces together. (grins)"

There were other events that day. The Sunbeamers held a special "Purple Passion" Relay event that night at Club Cutlass in Sunweaver Space. How much was raised at the event is unknown, but as of the writing of this article, the team was comfortably in Bronze status with almost 32,000 Lindens. Harmony for Hope held a "Jail n Bail" in which Sunshine Zhangsun found herself behind bars, "I am too cute, so they threw me in jail. *pouts*"  "I'm sure it's well deserved." "Yes! Oh wait, I mean NOOOOO!!" And there were some more jokes about "Stinky the Skunk" and his continued presence at the Relay Rockers. It would be a few more days until the Rockers were finally free of their long lasting "skunked" status.

 There will be many more Relay events big and small in the coming days and weeks. You can find some posted in the Relay For Life in Second Life webiste Here. A new website was also revealed which keeps track of various RFL blogs and those of friends of the Relay.

"Go Relay!"

Bixyl Shuftan

Image Credit: Jasmine Dawn Shuftan

Reading of 100 Word Stories at Book Island

By Grease Coakes

When I was at Book Island last time, Jackson Arthur told me about a beta reading for 100 words so stories for the following week. This sounded fun to me, so taking a mere 5 minutes or so I write a 100 or so story (It went over 100 a little bit but don’t tell Book Island that). I warped over to Olivia Whitsend’s office as she hosted the event. I ran into Relish, the small tiger from last time, and I found out that he is also Brokali the blue alien!

Then my Exodus viewer kicked me off, and I had to log back in. I was telling everyone in the Book Island group that I had a good story, and here it is. Danger Dave had created a notecard launcher where when you send the white square in the middle of a table your notecard goes to everyone in range.

At a telemarketing job was a man and woman. One day Sally pleaded with Phil to borrow $5. Phil said he didn’t like lending money as most times he did not get paid back. But eventually Phil caved in. One day Phil asked Sally if she could he pay him back when Sally got a fat check from a lot of sales. Sally smiled and said she had bills to pay. When Sally was short on money she asked around and no one lent her any money. Phil would have of said yes, but she didn’t pay him back. That night after work Sally had no bus fare and had to walk ten miles in the rain back to her house. As a result she became sick and was unable to come to work the next day.

I got positive feedback on grammar and Relish/Brokali suggested words to add to the power of my story. Everyone’s comments did add to my story.

Jackson Arthur wrote a piece of him using words like jink and pirouette, his character used many fancy words to describe his character wanting to get away from Robert. It ended that he only has enough time for one word.

I will have to be rude. Might be fun! Use your imagination to think of what word Jackson Arthur may have used.

Brokali/Relish’s story was about a lemonade stand at the corner of Filth and Poverty. He told his story about a lemonade stand that was left behind by the current day and age of adults hating having to drive to work. Also the lemonade stand was ignored as people went to get drugs or beer instead or any fast food joint. The point was powerful saying how the lemonade stand is a bygone of more innocent times.

Silver’s poem also had a strong message of a woman walking towards an abyss with footsteps of sorrows and sins. The message I got from her poem was someone thinking of ending their own life after living a depressing and sorrowful life.


Olivia hosting the event gave out a notecard of ideas for next week for 100 or so stories. One of the ideas was gangnam style! I complained saying, "Noooooo! I don’t want to write about that!" Olivia said of course you don’t have to write about that it was only an idea. I assured her that it was an attack on gangnam style not on her. Another suggestion was “Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world.”

It was fun hearing everyone’s story and sharing mine. I hung out for the next event Jackson Arthur’s for a little bit, but I wanted to do some real life stuff as well so I did not stay for that. He said you can never have too much coffee I said you can never have too much coffee, ha ha! Book Island is a great place to hang to talk about anything word or book related and hang with fun people.

Grease Coakes

Relay For Life "Skunk Aid"

By Bixyl Shuftan

On Sunday March 17th, there were a number of Relay For Life events. There was the Fashion For Life, for one. But another event was the "Skunk Aid" party. The event was held for  the Relay Rockers, led by Captain Nuala Maracas, which had been targeted by someone in the Relay's "Stinky the Skunk" campaign. The "Moonstar Mavericks," led by Amanda Darbyshire, were also involved. The event was from 5 to 7PM at Arinultra Cay.

 OK You Allllll...  You Skunked the Rockers, so now its time to celebrate with the first EVER Skunk Aid..  its a Black and White 60s Party   coming up at 5pm in Arinultra Cay.   Music by Yours Truly.  Come let Stinky know we love him, but Just Like Cancer.. its time to Move On!


No reporter was there at the scene, though details could be read in Relay chat, "STINKY!!!!!! … Moonstar Mavericks also got a visit from Stinky. … Stinky is a cute skunk, too." "I'm a doctor, not a skunk herder." "STINKY!! He's not visiting the Rockers. He LIVES with you." "As  a Noob this year, Im wondering who Relay Rockers tiffed off to have us Skunked so many Times!!?? "Well, you know what they say. Old homes are sturdy homes. And, Stinky decided he wanted to move into the sturdiest home in Relay." "Hahahaa, I first read that as 'old homes are stinky homes.'" "Hell I don't know, all I know is we have been skunked until Summer!!!" "I think they wanted him...maybe even paid him to stay…*winks* " The Relay Rockers had been given more than the standard five day skunking.

Trader commented, "Yep!  When Life gives you Lemons you make Lemonade.When Relay Gives you Skunks you make .... T-shirts and hold a Skunk Aid Party! … Rockers and Mavericks  come get your shirts and hats!  Cancer Stinks!!!" For a 50L donation, one would get a  "Cancer Stinks" T-shirt. There were also skunk caps one could get for free just for showing up.

The comments continued, "The two team captains are dressed as skunks....lol.. too funny!" "Yep.. Stinky Maracas. And Stinky Darbyshire." Trader sent me a few pictures which showed some of the funnery. Nuala had donned a fursuit over her avatar. Amanda had changed from human to furry with a Luskwood skunkgirl avatar, sporting green hair as it was St. Patricks Day.

Later on, I chatted with Trader about the event. "(We) raised about 8g and got Amanda unskunked," he told me, "We are using nothing but skunk kiosks. We had a good time (laughter). … We had people popping in and out. Lots of teams were represented.  It was a cooperative event between Relay's oldest and of its newest teams to rid ourselves of Stinky.  It showed true One Team spirit!"

"The jokes were bad," he added, "the usual road kill jokes, 'what color does SkunkAde come in?: Purple of Course.' (laughter) And I played 60s songs like 'White Rabbit,' 'Black Is Black,' 'Whiter Shade of Pale,' 'Paint it Black,' (and) wrapped with 'Ebony & Ivory.'" Trader commented he might have added songs like "That Smell," "but it was a 60s show." So what was the craziest moment? "Well, Nuala Maracas in a Skunk gut doing 'Gangnam Style' was interesting (laughter). I am glad no one took a picture of me in my Family tartan kilt , a grey 'Cancer Stinks' Shirt, and a Stinky Baseball cap."

"It was a fun event. It shows the special quality of Relay For Life of Second Life...  Regardless of your team, regardless of where on the globe we are all one team, sharing the same dream: a world without cancer! Stinky is a fun addition to Relay! Now that doesn't mean we want him to be a permanent tenant at Arinultra Cay, we don't mind him staying for a visit!"

Checking the Relay Rockers team page, someone had put up more cash to have the team skunked until April 5th. But more donations came, so by the time of this article's publishing the date had been moved back to March 30th. The fundraising boosts have raised the Relay Rockers' total to over $139,000 Lindens raised, or over $550 US dollars. The Moonstar Mavericks aren't far behind with over $129,000 L raised. Both are Silver-ranked teams. At over 51,000 Lindens raised, the Steelhead Salmons are halfway to Silver.

There were other events that day, such as a bumper car rally. One of the leading teams, Harmony of Hope, was issued a challenge when one fox resident offered to go pink if the 200,000 Linden mark was crossed. It was, and he did. 

For more information, check the RFL in SL website. 

"Cancer Stinks!"

Bixyl Shuftan

Pictures from Trader1 Whiplash

Ask DrFran: Lonely; Not Alone

Dear DrFran:

My Second Life girlfriend, Daisy, is the love of my life. Since we met  we have been together all the time. I have come to depend on her for planning all of our activities. She dresses me, she buys the furniture in our house, she suggests land to buy, etc. She is like a busy bee, always flittering about. Of course, I wouldn’t be writing you DrFran, if things were all rosey.

About a month ago, Daisy got a job here working for one of the big estate holders. She is responsible for responding to renters requests when she is on duty, and the owner of the estates has come to rely upon her, for building parts of the islands, and other duties. It’s not surprising as Daisy is most capable. The problem for me is that she is never available any more to do the things we used to do, and I spend a lot of time just sitting around and waiting for her to have time. I don’t think she’s cheating on me. She just seems to be busy all the time. Even more, with the Relay for Life season approaching, she will be even busier. Please tell me what to do? 

Yours, 

Alone Again.

Dear AA: Your last sentence kind of sums things up: Please tell me what to do? Why should any grown person need someone else to tell them what to do? It seems that Daisy was helping you to live, and you became so dependent upon her direction that you somehow lost the ability to think for yourself. I am not surprised that she has become busy elsewhere. Relationships need to be about give and take, and the one you describe is a bit one-sided.

I have no idea how to get Daisy to come back to you. However I do have some ideas for you. The best way to make yourself attractive to another person is to have your own interests and pursuits:

1.     I have said this before, and I will say it again: Do what you like in Second Life. You know that anything goes…so go do what you love. Love hockey? Well there are many hockey leagues in Second Life, same goes for all sports. I know many folks here who race cars happily, engage in wizardry tournaments, etc. There is something for everybody. Most important is that it is something you want to do.

2.     DrFran can be guilty of this next attribute, so be aware that I say what I say because of experience: DO NOT BE NEEDY. I can hear the whine in your voice, AA. I can’t tell you how unattractive that looks. I have lost first and Second Life partners by being clingy, demanding of time, or just “there,” wanting attention. See number one for what to do instead of waiting for your love to show up.

3.     Make some male friends. Friends are a great way to spend time in Second Life. The grid is enormous and filled with things of wonder and delight. Have you ever visited the Disney Parade? On the hour the characters march by to music. Silly fun, but fun nonetheless, and with a group of people, it’s even better. I don’t want you to think I am minimizing your feelings, or your ability to make friends, but it’s a lot easier in Second Life than in First Life. I find that all that is required is to speak up a bit in group settings. People are interested in people who seem alive with ideas and comments. If what you describe above is accurate, I have the feeling that people see you as just a shadow of your girlfriend, without a life of your own.

4.     Be honest: If you really care for Daisy, tell her so. This does NOT mean that you say it in a way that is a plea. True love is love that does not make a demand for reciprocation. State your love simply, and let it go. A person who loves you will heat that and respond.  A person who does not love you will never hear anything you say about love.

I hope this is helpful to you, AA. It is time for you to get your own Second Life. If not, I fear that Daisy will drift further and further away. Maybe next time you log in, you will follow your dreams, so that you can say: “Oh, I am sorry, I am busy with this trivia game,” next time. Maybe then, just maybe Daisy will see that you have a mind of your own, and that it makes you more attractive to her.

Please feel free to write to me again, and let me know how you make out. 

Yours, 

DrFran

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you.

The Steelhead Salmons' Kickoff Party

By Bixyl Shuftan

On Sunday March the 10th, the Steelhead Salmons held their kickoff event for the 2013 Relay for Life season. From about 1 PM SL time to about 9PM, DJs spun their tunes at the steampunk community's Club Gearz.

Join Steelhead for their RFL Kickoff Event, with music and assorted fun, including 'The Hair.' … Also a Jail and Bail scattered through the afternoon (No, Trader is busy today, please no more IMs asking me to arrest him). Hope you can join us.

Filling in for Aryon Dagger, Fuzzball Ortega DJed from 1 to 3 PM. From 3 to 5PM. the latex-clad Madonna Daehile had her turn with the tunage. At 5PM, Vic Morrington played the music. Earlier in the event, Fuzzball was in the cage for the Jail n' Bail. While Vic played, it was Gem Sunkiller who was under arrest. She danced in the cage, wearing a sizable purple wig and a "100 Years of Hope" T-shirt. People dropped in amounts at the Steelhead vendor until 5000 Lindens had been raised. She was finally free to go.

At 7PM. Fuzzball took over the stream once again, also broadcasting on Krypton Radio. He stool in the corner, sporting "The Hair." For those not in the know, Fuzzball bet in the 2011 season that if the Steelhead Salmons went Platinum, he'd "wear the wackiest, wildest, hair around. Well, here it is." Since then, "The Hair" has continued to be a source of humor and pride for the Salmons. Problem is, it blocks his view of movement. When moving around, he usually has to put away the enormous headpiece so huge, it's weight is supported by propellers. Fuzzball stood next to a sign that some Relayer had done a few weeks ago, and somehow became popular among his fans, "Blame Fuzz and Go Relay." While he sometimes pretends to be mad about it, like other good-natured ribbings that his fellow Relayers have given him, he took it in stride.


The crowd at Club Gearz was a mixed one. Some were Steelhead residents. Others were noted Relayers from outside the steampunk community. And some were simply friends of both whom were not part of any Relay team. Someone showed up in an anthro skunk avatar, a reference to "Stinky the Skunk," the character who show's up on a Relay team's page when someone donates at ACS  Island to "skunk" the team. As it turned out, the day after the event someone *did* pay to have the Steelhead Salmons skunked, probably the first team to have been. There was no clue as whom gave the Steelheads this dubious honor.

More than 10,000 Lindens were raised during the Kickoff event, bringing the total raised by the Steelheads to over 20,000 Lindens. As of now, the Steelhead Salmons have raised about 29,500 L in Second Life, and 15,000 L outside the Grid, for a total of 44,500 Lindens. Almost half the amount needed for Silver rank. For this steampunk team of the Relay For Life in Second Life, it was a good beginning.

Bixyl Shuftan

For Jasmine Dawn Shuftan's article, Click Here. 

Ask DrFran: "A Friend in Need"

By DrFran Babcock

Dear DrFran:  

Second Life has a number of things to offer. One is the people. The variety of avatars certainly allows us to appear in a number of ways, such as my furry fox avatar. Then there's how our personalities show. In my first home, one of my neighbors was a gun-totting girl who loved to shoot things up once in a while. We never became an item, as she preferred other girls and was partnered to one, she a fur and her partner a human. Despite her being a "lezzie" as she called herself, the attention of guys wasn't necessarily unwelcome as long as it didn't go too far, her responding to whistles with a wink.

When the home went under after the owner couldn't afford to keep it up longer, I lost touch with many friends there. But we kept in touch with each other. Over time, we met more often, including a few rounds at firing ranges, and at combat sandboxes, watching each others' backs.

Then her partner dumped her, for reasons I never heard. My friend was naturally saddened, and I spent some extra time with her, listening to her. I thought she'd be be blue for a time, but her depression lingered and deepened. She felt worthless, despite my words of praise.

If she preferred the company of guys for intimate contact, I would have asked her out. But her preferring the company of girls, well, that option was out. I don't know what to do as the only other girl whom also did, she was partnered and she didn't know where my friend could find another.

What can I do to help my sad friend?

Worried Fox

Dear, dear Worried Fox:

People are generally very good and compassionate. I see how much you hurt for the pain of your friend, and I know that you are a decent soul. However, as much as we want folks to be happy and at peace with their lives, there is rarely anything that we can do to make this happen. True contentment comes from within, and is not dependent upon the acts of other people.

The best that anyone can do for another person is to listen and to validate their experience. People who feel that they are being heard by others seem to do very well. Sometimes when I work with patients I don’t even say a word. I am just there as a presence, a sounding board. Patients tell me: “That was the best session ever,” and don’t even realize that I have said nothing.

Another thing to consider is the nature of male female relationships. Remember that what I say is always my opinion, and this can differ from yours and others. I find that men and women can be friends, but usually best after they have had a love relationship. Many people disagree with me about this, but my exes here in Second Life and in First Life are my friends, after a period of being apart. My belief is that if you liked the person enough to go out with them, you probably like them. In your case, you hadn’t a chance to date your friend, and it would not have happened, based on her relationship preferences. It’s pretty well known that “lezzies” may sleep with men, but they really do prefer to be with women. However, this does not mean she couldn’t be your friend, and I guess she is.

The rules of attraction are so complicated. A very wise therapist once told me that when you are out and about you are dragging all your emotional luggage around with you. If you should stumble upon someone to whom you are attracted you throw your luggage into a heap with their luggage, and you hope you have a matched set. The pile of valises gets higher and higher each time we do this. And yet, many of us do it over and over again.

Worried Fox, I hope you have found some happiness, because it is very evident to me that you are a kind and caring fox. 

Fondly, 

DrFran

Obligatory disclaimer: The column Ask DrFran is the work of DrFran Babcock, and may not reflect the views of SL Newser as a whole. Please direct any correspondence to DrFran Babcock. I look forward to hearing from you

One Billion Still Rising

By Gemma Cleanslate

 Saffia Widdershins sent out a call for a  meeting to discuss how to keep the One Billion Rising event on February 14 in SL to continue and not just be a one time 24 hour recognition of violence against women in the world. The event itself was a way to recognize the real life event taking place all over the world. There were demonstrations in many counties from one side of the world to the other .http://onebillionrising.org/ some were marches, some were singings, some were sudden dances. In my own state in the USA there was a hearing going on at the state capital and a group showed up there and broke into the song and dance.  

 

The way it was done here, in SL, in this little part of the universe, was to have magnificent art builds dedicated to the issue,  surrounding a party stage  where people gathered from midnight to midnight at this place in a universe that is open to people all over the world, men, women and children as avatars and they came! Every minute of the day there were four sims full of avatars who came to recognize, affirm that there is a problem against girl children  teens and adult women in this 21st century in the world. 

The discussion led by Saffia at the meetings Friday March 1 and Saturday March 2,  were held at the Virtual Ability sim and were well attended by those who had some contribution to the original event in some way during or before the OBR in SL. There were numerous suggestions and ideas presentedduring the meeting that went on for well over an hour . It is the first of many such meetings I think.

 

Education in SL is a wonderful idea, but that education is not always sitting in a classroom listening to lectures. How well does that go over in SL? (although I do it in philosophy, lol)  It can be as easy as being invited by a friend to participate in a party, where you say “what is this about“ and are suddenly educated to an issue you had no idea existed and become a student of it or more, a  part of it all. This IS education. This is to the betterment of life here and outside of SL for you. 

 

As a Customer Relations Officer at the SL event I saw wonderful discussion going on around me during the “party”  and at the art pieces and at the greeting points. If you attended and liked it all you may be interested in getting more involved . If so contact Saffia ... with a notecard with your ideas or suggestions how to continue this in SL. This is a universal issue and an easy way to get involved. Thanks to Gentle Heron, a “volunteer”  as she calls herself,  the heart of Virtual Ability, took notes and allowed us to use the site for a meeting. 

 

Watch the blog for developments: http://onebillionrisingsl.wordpress.com/2013/02/26/after-one-billion-rising-in-second-life-what-next/

 

Gemma Cleanslate